Qabilene Updates

A 22-Year-Old Wanted to Get Out of Going to the L.A. County Fair With His Parents . . . So He Faked a Mass Shooting Threat

Yeah, I think it's safe to say this guy doesn't have the maturity to move out of his parents' house QUITE yet.



A 22-year-old guy named Erik Villasenor in Sylmar, California lives with his parents, and got roped into going to the Los Angeles County Fair with them this past weekend.



And he REALLY didn't want to go . . . so on Friday, he sent an email to the fair saying, quote, "I was told that someone was planning on doing a mass shooting on Sunday at the fairground."



The police and FBI traced the email to him within hours.



Fortunately, it really WAS a hoax . . . but he was still arrested for making a false threat.



And the police say they'll be looking for Erik to reimburse them for the cost of the investigation around his fake threat. 



(CW 5 - Los Angeles / CBS 2 - Los Angeles)

A Guy Knew He Was Getting Fired . . . So He Brought an Emotional Support Clown to the Meeting

In New Zealand, when someone's going to get laid off, their companies give them a heads up . . . and they're legally required to let the employee bring along a, quote, "support person" like a friend, their spouse, or their lawyer.



Or . . . um . . . this.



There's a guy named Josh Thompson in Auckland, New Zealand who recently got an email from his bosses at an ad agency telling him they needed to have a meeting to discuss his future at the company.  He knew it meant he was getting canned.



So . . . he hired an emotional support CLOWN to come with him.  Josh paid the clown around $125 to come with him to the meeting in full makeup . . . and make balloon animals while Josh was being let go.



Anyway, he says his bosses found the whole thing funny . . . and he already has a new job with one of their competitors.



As for the clown, he says this was not, quote, "the weirdest job I've had . . . top 10 though." 



(UPI / Facebook / Newshub / New Zealand Herald)



(Here's a picture of them at the meeting.)



SOCIALITE LIFE?@socialitelife

New Zealand man brings emotional support clown to layoff meeting, because why the hell not? 

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9:00 AM - Sep 14, 2019

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A Couple Gets Into a Brawl When One Takes the Other's Side of the Bed

You probably have YOUR side of the bed at home.  But do you keep those sides when you're at a hotel?



There's a 33-year-old woman named Ashley Crampton, and she and her 26-year-old wife were at a Budget Inn in Clearwater, Florida this weekend.


Well . . . Ashley's wife apparently took Ashley's usual side of the bed.



And that made Ashley so FURIOUS that she kicked her wife off the bed, then punched her when she tried to get back on.



Ashley was arrested for domestic battery. 



(The Smoking Gun)



(Here's her mugshot.)


A Bank Accidentally Deposited $120,000 in a Couple's Account . . . Now They're Facing Charges for Spending It

If you look up your bank account balance one day and it's six figures higher than normal, you HAVE to expect someone's going to find that mistake.



36-year-old Robert Williams and his 35-year-old wife Tiffany from Montoursville, Pennsylvania got a giant boost to their bank account back on May 31st . . . when a teller accidentally deposited $120,000 into their account.  Their balance before that?  $1,121.



But Robert and Tiffany decided the right move wasn't to contact the bank . . . it was to go on a SPENDING SPREE.



So for the next few weeks, they bought an SUV, two four-wheelers, a camper, and a car trailer . . . they paid off all their bills and car repairs . . . and gave $15,000 to friends.



BUT . . . in mid-June, the bank figured out their mistake.  And despite what the game "finders keepers" might've taught us in elementary school, the bank took their $120,000 back and transferred it to the correct account.



So Robert and Tiffany were told they had to return all the money they'd spent, plus they were hit with $107,000 in overdraft fees.  They tried to ghost the bank to get out of it . . . so the bank called the cops.



And now Robert and Tiffany have been arrested on felony theft charges. 



(ABC 16 - Scranton / Williamsport Sun-Gazette)

Thieves Steal a '95 Jeep . . . and Are Busted by the Disposable Film Camera Inside

If you steal something from the '90s, be prepared to get busted by something from the '90s too.



Some thieves stole a 1995 Jeep Cherokee from a 55-year-old guy named Joe Williams in Portland, Oregon last month.  The cops found it abandoned about a week later.



As Joe and his teenage kids were going through the car, they saw the thieves had gone through the glovebox and found an old disposable film camera.  His kids decided to have the film developed to see what was on there.



And . . . besides some old family pictures, it turned out the car thieves had taken SELFIES with the disposable camera.  So Joe now has a great look at all of their faces.



Some people in his neighborhood thought they recognized the people in the pictures . . . but Joe says he doesn't want to bother turning them over to the cops.



Quote, "The Jeep's older than dirt.  When I bought my new car, I was going to trade it in.  The dealer offered $65 for it."



Also . . . the thieves left some tattoo equipment behind in the Jeep, and Joe wanted to keep it, but his wife said no, so he left it on his front porch.  And, quote, "Someone stole it." 



(The Oregonian)  (Here are the thieves' selfies.)




A Guy Throws a Cupcake in a Road Rage Incident . . . It Hits the Other Driver . . . and He's Facing Assault Charges

You don't see many cases of assault with a CUPCAKE, but here you go.



Back in May, a woman was driving in Pauls Valley, Oklahoma, when another driver passed her on the shoulder and apparently flipped her off.



A 31-year-old guy named Trevor Pearson was in the car with her, and he threw a CUPCAKE at the other car when they caught up.



And somehow, that cupcake hit the driver in the FACE.



It's not clear if the car was a convertible, or if Trevor managed to make a miracle throw by getting the cupcake through an open window while the cars were both in motion . . . but either way, the cupcake hit the driver's face.



And Trevor was just formally charged with a misdemeanor count of assault and battery.  He could be looking at up to 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. 



(Pauls Valley Democrat / Newsweek)

A Guy Pulled a Gun When Popeyes Told Him They'd Run Out of Chicken Sandwiches

So THIS is where we stand now with the Popeyes chicken sandwich.



In case you haven't heard, Popeyes announced last week that their new chicken sandwiches were so popular, they RAN OUT.  Stores will sell what they've got and won't get reinforcements until they're available.



Well . . . a group of two men and three women in Houston apparently hadn't heard that news.  And they went through a Popeyes drive-thru on Monday night to order the sandwiches.



When the staff said they were sold out, the five people got out of their car and tried to STORM THE POPEYES.



A manager quickly locked the front door . . . so one of the guys pulled out a GUN to try to get a sandwich.



The manager told him they really didn't have ANY, so the group took off.  And now the cops are trying to track down the guy who pulled the gun on felony aggravated assault charges. 



(The Smoking Gun)

A Woman Fell Asleep in Her Car . . . When She Woke Up, It Was Gone

You'd THINK that being inside your car all night would be a good enough way to keep a car thief from stealing it.  You'd THINK.



There's an 80-year-old woman who lives in Hamilton, New Jersey.  And on Wednesday night, she fell asleep in her car in her driveway around 9:00 P.M.



She woke up at 4:00 A.M. . . . she was on the driveway, and the car was gone.



Apparently some thief had opened the car door, picked her up, moved her onto the driveway, and stolen the car . . . and she slept through all of it.



The woman called the cops, and even though she had a cut and a bruise on her face, she had no memory of someone stealing the car while she slept.



The cops found the car abandoned later that day . . . but they still haven't found the thief. 



(NJ Advance Media)


A Guy Throws Thousands of Screws on the Road to Prevent His Ex from Dating Other People

This guy really needed a plan with a little less collateral damage . . .



63-year-old Jeffrey Caouette lives near Minneapolis, and recently split up with his girlfriend.



And he got arrested this week for throwing thousands of SCREWS on the road near her house . . . because he wanted to prevent her from driving to see the new guy she's dating.



It's not clear if she ever got a flat tire because of it.  But roughly 150 OTHER people did.  And it wasn't an isolated incident.



He did it every other day for TWO MONTHS.  And in August alone, he purchased over 12,000 sheetrock screws.



Several people who live in the area had to replace all four of their tires after they drove over them.  And a few had to replace their tires multiple times.



He's facing a felony charge for damage to property over $1,000.  And it sounds like they'll be tacking on more charges as well.  (Fox9)  (Here's his mugshot.)




A Woman Kidnaps a Car Salesman During a Test Drive and Gets into a Police Chase

I guess if you're test driving a car, you want to see how it'll perform in all the different ways you'll use it.  And for a few people, that includes POLICE CHASES.



There's a 32-year-old woman named Kasandra Ayala from Spokane, Washington and she went to a Nissan dealer on Saturday for a test drive.



But somehow, it turned into a KIDNAPPING . . . when Kasandra wouldn't let the car salesman get out.  He called the cops, and they wound up in a chase with Kasandra.



She started off driving slowly, but eventually sped up . . . and wound up slamming into three police cars.  The cops finally stopped her by intentionally ramming the car.



It's not clear WHY Kasandra decided to turn her test drive into a kidnapping and police chase . . . although she did tell the cops she'd smoked meth earlier that day.



She's facing several charges.  (ABC 4 - Spokane)  (Here's her mugshot.)




A Former Macy's Employee Is Busted Hiding in the Ceiling with Stolen Cash

Just because everyone in movies makes daring escapes through air vents and ceiling tiles doesn't mean it's an option in real life.



The police in Upper Merion, Pennsylvania got a call around 4:30 A.M. about someone inside of a Macy's.



But when they went there, they found someone HAD stolen money from the registers . . . and no sign of the thief.



After FIVE HOURS of searching, they finally figured it out . . . when they found a 32-year-old guy named Nicholas Redmond hiding in the ceiling.



It turns out he'd just quit Macy's three weeks earlier and still had a set of keys . . . so he'd just let himself in, but then he hid when the cops came.



He stole at least $7,000 that night . . . and the cops have connected him to two other thefts at the Macy's where he stole about $5,000.



He's facing theft charges.  (ABC 6 - Philadelphia)  (Here's his mugshot.)




A Guy's Truck Was Stolen . . . While the Guy Was Committing a Robbery

This is some robbery INCEPTION right here.



A guy named William Kelley called 911 on Sunday morning when his red 1992 Chevy pickup truck was stolen out of a parking lot in Kennewick, Washington.



But as the cops were investigating, they realized William wasn't an innocent victim . . . it turns out his truck had been stolen while William was across the street ROBBING a business.



So he's been arrested for burglary . . . and the police are still trying to track down the guy who stole his truck. 



(FOX 13 - Seattle / YakTriNews)

Three Women Stole a Baby Stroller . . . But Accidentally Left a Child Behind in the Store

It's NOT a good sign when you're more concerned with baby products than your actual baby.



A group of three women and their three children went into a baby store in Middletown, New Jersey last week.  And two of the women distracted the employee while the other woman stole a stroller.  Then they all left the store.



But they had to come back . . . when they realized they'd left ONE OF THE KIDS behind.



23-year-old Maryann Cash and 20-year-old Nan McCarthy were arrested for shoplifting and conspiracy.  The other woman is still at large.



The cops say the women are both from England.  And the stroller they stole was from a British company . . . so it would've been pretty cheap to buy once they got back home to England. 



(ABC 7 - New York / CBS 2 - New York)

A Drunk Driver Tries to Bet a Cop the Over-Under on Her Blood-Alcohol Level . . . She Was Way Under

Maybe this isn't the best time to try to get someone to make a bet with you.



A 62-year-old woman named Mary Westerlund was pulled over for drunk driving on Monday night her near home in The Villages . . . which is a notorious retirement community, mostly because it's lots of older folks constantly getting hammered.



And Mary asked the cop if he wanted to BET the over-under on her blood-alcohol level.  She said they could bet a quarter, and she guessed she'd hit .19.  Which is more than twice the legal limit, by the way.



She might've gotten that number because the LAST time she got a DUI, back in 2015, she blew a .175.  So maybe she felt a little drunker this time around?



Anyway, the cop turned down her offer to bet.  And Mary's prediction was WAY off . . . she blew a .229.



She was charged with drunk driving and resisting arrest. 



(The Smoking Gun



(Here's her mugshot.)

A Man Storms Into a Business to Shoot His Nephew for Breaking His Cuckoo Clock

 I'm not sure if breaking a clock warrants a SHOOTING, but that's kinda where society stands these days.



There's an 88-year-old guy named Daniel Cashman from Waterbury, Connecticut.  And on Monday, he stormed into a construction company with his gun strapped to his hip looking for his nephew who worked there . . . to shoot him.



According to Daniel, his nephew stole two suits and his cane from his house . . . and damaged his CUCKOO CLOCK.



The employees told Daniel his nephew wasn't working that day.  He thanked them for their time and told them he'd be back tomorrow.



They called the cops . . . and Daniel was arrested for first degree threatening and breach of peace. 



(FOX 61 - Hartford



(Here's his mugshot.)

A Man Threatens to Kill His Friend Over a $10,000 Bet That the Earth is Flat

I don't know if this phrase has ever been uttered:  But the flat-Earther here might NOT be the craziest person in this story . . .



A 36-year-old guy in New Zealand named Jamie Sutherland recently had dinner with a friend named Louie Lanz.  They've known each other since elementary school.



And Louie kept going on about how the Earth isn't round . . . then said he'd bet Jamie TEN GRAND that it was flat.  So Jamie took him up on it, because hey, free money.



Except Louie thinks all the proof about Earth being round is part of a massive conspiracy.  So there was no way to convince him.



They ran into each other at a gas station later on.  And Jamie told Louie he still owed him the $10,000.  But Louie refused to pay.  So Jamie lost it . . . and threatened to KILL him AND his father with a crossbow if he didn't pay him the money.



Louie called the cops, and they've been dealing with it since February.  But on Monday, a judge dismissed all the charges.  And no one has to pay the ten grand.



Overall, Louie might still be the crazier one though.  Because in court, he claimed the Moon landings were faked, and that Albert Einstein was a plant by the government.



And he also got 80 hours of community service back in 2015 for joking he had a BOMB on an Air New Zealand flight. 



(Otago Daily Times /

A Driver Throws a Dirty Diaper Out the Window . . . and Hits a Cop Car

This feels like it was a million-in-one shot.  So maybe this guy can appreciate what a feat it was.



A guy was driving on the interstate in Johnson County, in central Indiana on Sunday, and he threw his baby's DIRTY DIAPER out of his car window.



And . . . the diaper hit a COP CAR.



The cop immediately pulled the guy over and saw a baby in the backseat.  The guy wouldn't admit that he threw the diaper out of the window, though . . . he said the wind had blown it out.



I'm not sure how that works, but the cop gave the guy a ticket for littering. 



(CW 8 - Indianapolis / CNN)



Sgt. Stephen Wheeles?@ISPVersailles

Littering is always bad....

Littering by throwing a used diaper out of the car window right in front of a police officer is asking for a ticket...

....especially when diaper hits said police officer’s ????. ????


7:52 AM - Aug 19, 2019

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A Woman Torched a Guy's House After He Invited Her Over for a 4:00A.M. Booty Call . . . and Fell Asleep

I totally understand getting upset if someone invites you over for a booty call, you agree to it . . . and then they flake.  But I'm not sure this is a proportionate response.



There's a 29-year-old woman named Taija Russell from Woodbury, New Jersey.  And a few weeks ago, a guy invited her over for a booty call around 4:00 A.M.



But when she got to his house . . . he'd fallen asleep.  And he didn't wake up when she banged on his door or repeatedly called and texted him from outside.



And that made her so upset she went to a gas station nearby . . . bought lighter fluid and matches . . . then went back to his house and set his DOOR on FIRE.



To her credit, that DID wake him up.  He wound up jumping out of a window to escape but had to go to the hospital with burns and smoke inhalation.  Firefighters also had to bust into the house to save his dog.



Taija was arrested on several felony charges, including attempted homicide, aggravated arson, and aggravated assault. 



(The Smoking Gun)



(Here's her mugshot, plus a picture of his house after the fire.)

A Woman Gets in a High-Speed Police Chase in a Stolen Tesla . . . and Is Busted When the Battery Runs Out

I guess if you're going to steal an electric car, you really should see this coming.



There's a 60-year-old woman named Kathy Sain from Payson, Arizona.  And on Sunday, she stole a TESLA from a parking lot outside a Subway.



The car was reported stolen quickly, and the cops wound up in a high-speed chase with Kathy.



And it ended when . . . the Tesla's battery ran out of juice.



The cops say, quote, "Spike strips were ineffective [but the] vehicle ran out of electricity" so they were able to arrest Kathy.



She was charged with theft, fleeing, criminal damage, aggravated driving under the influence, and failing to appear on two outstanding warrants. 



(Payson Roundup)


A Guy Named Luke Sky Walker Is in Trouble With the Law Again . . . and Got Another Shout Out From Mark Hamill

The Force is not strong with this one.



There's a 22-year-old guy in Carter County, in northeast Tennessee, whose real name is Luke Sky Walker.  There's a space between Sky and Walker because "Sky" is his given middle name.



Anyway, he was in the news last year after he violated his probation by stealing 46 road signs.  The story got enough attention that Mark Hamill even tweeted about it . . . although, to be fair, Mark Hamill tweets about everything.



Mark Hamill?@HamillHimself

The real crime here is Mr. & Mrs. Walker saddling this poor guy with that name in the first place. 

Luke Sky Walker lands in jail after arrest in Tennessee

The Force was not with a man named Luke Sky Walker when he was arrested this week by Tennessee police, according to a report.


4:21 AM - Dec 2, 2018

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And now, Luke Sky Walker is back in the news . . . because there's a warrant out for his arrest.  He's been charged with theft of property over $1,000, and the sheriff's department is trying to track him down.



And yes, Mark Hamill has already tweeted about it again . . . making a very self-aware joke about bad sequels. 



Mark Hamill?@HamillHimself

The sequel that nobody asked for & no one wants to see. 

Luke Sky Walker wanted by police in Tennessee

The Carter County Sheriff's Office issued an arrest warrant for 22-year-old Luke Sky Walker on property theft charges.


2:08 PM - Aug 7, 2019

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(ABC 9 - Chattanooga)



(Here's Luke Sky Walker's mugshot.)

An Inmate Tried to Disguise Himself as His Daughter to Escape

I'm not sure how this guy is going to go back to his role as a gang leader after THIS.  42-year-old Clauvino da Silva is currently serving a 73-year prison sentence for drug trafficking in Rio de Janeiro.  And on Saturday, he tried to escape.



The plan?  His 19-year-old daughter came to visit him . . . and he disguised himself as her to try to leave.  That involved putting on a black bra, a pink t-shirt with donuts and hearts on it, tight jeans, a silicone mask of her face, and a long black wig.



And the costume was good enough that it actually MIGHT'VE worked . . . except the guards noticed the "daughter" was acting nervously so they took a closer look and realized it was da Silva.



As he took off the disguise, they took a video, which is now circulating around online.



He's been transferred to a maximum security prison and he'll be facing sanctions.  And his daughter might've been in on the plan, since she was going to stay behind in jail . . . so she could face charges too. 



(Buzzfeed)  (Here are some still shots from the video.)



O Globo_Rio?@OGlobo_Rio

Preso, Clauvino da Silva, traficante de Angra dos Reis, foi pego tentando escapar de Bangu 3 com máscara, peruca e roupas femininas | Crédito: Divulgação

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4:37 PM - Aug 3, 2019

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A Toilet Paper Thief Turns Out to be the Owner of a Janitorial Company Trying to Get Free Inventory

This is one way to keep business costs down, I guess.  Not a good way.  But a way.



Over the past few weeks, a man and a woman broke into a grocery store in Trussville, Alabama . . . and only stole toilet paper and paper towels.



The cops were ready last Tuesday when the couple broke in for a third time . . . and they wound up in a high-speed chase.  Again, over toilet paper.



The cops wound up catching them . . . and it turns out the guy is a 50-year-old man named Ira Glover.  Why was he stealing toilet paper?  He owns a janitorial company . . . and he was looking to get free inventory.



Oh . . . and he's actually done this before.  He was busted for stealing toilet paper back in March, too . . . and he's on probation for that.  Charges against Ira and the woman who was with him are still pending.  (



(Here's his mugshot.)




A Man Was Dying From a Seizure at a 7-Eleven . . . and a Woman Stole His Dog

This woman is a BAD human being.



On Tuesday night, a 59-year-old guy named Robert Corbey was at a 7-Eleven in Longmont, Colorado . . . and he had a seizure.



A 30-year-old woman named Melody Mellon was at the store and she immediately jumped into action.  Oh, not to help Robert . . . no, she took his medical emergency as an opportunity to STEAL his PET DOG.



Sadly, Robert died from the seizure. 



The police caught up with Melody on Thursday morning thanks to a tip . . . and found her in a stolen truck.



She was arrested for stealing the dog . . . and also on outstanding warrants for assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, auto theft, and failure to appear on a felony drug charge.



The cops also found the dog, and reunited him with Robert's family. 



(CBS 4 - Denver



(Here's a picture of Melody and the dog, and a picture of Robert with his dog.)

Someone Stole a Package off a Woman's Porch . . . With Nine Tarantulas Inside

Whoever stole this package is going to learn the meaning of the phrase "instant karma" when they open it.



There's a woman in Spartanburg, South Carolina.  And over the weekend, she called the cops after she got a notification from FedEx that her package was delivered . . . but she didn't see it on her porch.



It appears that someone stole the package.



But what the thief didn't realize is that the box had NINE TARANTULAS inside.



The cops say they don't have any suspects so far . . . but I suppose they could just wait until they see someone running down the street screaming. 



(The State)

A Drunk Driver Crashed Her Car . . . Into the Entrance Gates of a County Jail

Sometimes the criminals just deliver themselves, I guess.



There's a 19-year-old woman who was driving drunk in Irvine, California around 3:30 A.M. on Monday.  And she crashed her Range Rover into the gates outside of a building.



That building was . . . a county jail.



She was arrested for a DUI and booked into the jail. 



(ABC 7 - Los Angeles)


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