Qabilene Updates

A Drunk Wedding Crasher Tried to Cut in on the Couple's First Dance

There's a rule in the movie "Wedding Crashers" where you're only supposed to draw attention to yourself in a POSITIVE way.  So, not this . . .



A 37-year-old guy in Florida named Mark Saunderson crashed a wedding at the Grand Plaza Hotel in St. Petersburg on Monday.



Apparently he'd already been drinking.  Then he strolled into the reception and hit the open bar, even though he didn't know the bride or groom.



But he ended up drawing the wrong kind of attention to himself when he stumbled onto the dance floor . . . and tried to cut in on the bride and groom's FIRST DANCE.



He took off when security showed up.  Then they chased him up to the roof, where they held him until cops got there.



According to police, his eyes were bloodshot and he was slurring his words.  And when they asked for his social security number, he gave them his phone number instead.  He's facing charges for disorderly conduct.



The couple says they WEREN'T actually upset though.  They thought it was insane . . . but in a good way . . . and hope Mark had fun for the short time he was there.  



(WFTS)  (Here's his mugshot, along with photos of him dancing and the couple reacting.)




A Suspect Say's He'll Turn Himself in . . . If He Gets 15,000 Likes

 We're through the looking glass, people.



There's a 29-year-old guy named Jose Simms in Torrington, Connecticut, and he's wanted by the cops right now for failure to appear in court.



So he offered the police a deal:  He'll turn himself in . . . if his wanted poster on Facebook gets 15,000 likes.



The cops took the deal . . . and promoted it hard.



And it looks like it's going to work out for the cops.



The Facebook post with Jose's wanted poster hit the 15,000 likes in less than one day.



There's no word yet on whether Jose has followed through on his end of the deal.



(NBC Connecticut / Facebook)




A Fight Over Hedgehog Custody Leads to a Woman Hitting Her Mom

As far as custody battles go . . . this is one of the strangest.



There's an 18-year-old woman named Emma Davisson in Seminole, Florida.  And she's been living with her 43-year-old mother . . . but over the weekend, she announced she was moving out.



And she was taking the family's PET HEDGEHOG with her.



Her mom said no, Emma's younger siblings are the ones who take care of the hedgehog, so they were keeping it.



The argument escalated, and Emma's mom wound up physically blocking the door to the room where the hedgehog lives.  So Emma PUSHED her mom and hit her several times.



The cops came and she was arrested for domestic battery.



And the judge says Emma can go back to the house, supervised by a police officer, to get her things . . . but she has to leave the hedgehog. 



(The Smoking Gun



(Here's her photo.)




Two Friends Found a Duck at McDonald's . . . Then Got Into a Fight Over It

Look at all this trouble JUST because a random duck apparently wanted a cheeseburger or something.



A guy named Neil Edwards-Cecil from Chester, England turned 40 a few weeks ago.  And he and his 31-year-old friend Lee Gaudoin went out drinking, then stopped at McDonald's for some food.



Well, while they were eating, a DUCK randomly waddled into the place.



And Neil and Lee started arguing about the duck.  We're not exactly sure what the argument was about, we just know it was duck-related.



Then they started BRAWLING . . . and they fought with the cops who came to break it up.



They were both in court this week and got 12 months of probation and $108 in fines. 




A Woman Assaults Her Boyfriend for Not Celebrating Her Birthday

There's a woman named Georgia Zowacki who lives in West Newton, Pennsylvania.  And she had a birthday on Wednesday . . . she turned 55.



So she expected her new boyfriend, David Rae, to do something.  They've been living together for four months.



But . . . he didn't do ANYTHING.  He didn't get her a present.  He didn't buy her a cake.  He didn't even get her a CARD.



So after Georgia spent her birthday drinking vodka, she wound up grabbing a box cutter and going after David with it.



He ended up with some cuts on his arm.  And Georgia was arrested on several charges, including aggravated assault and reckless endangerment. 



(The Smoking Gun



(Here's her mugshot.)




A Cop Is Investigating a Stolen Truck . . . and It Drives Right Past Him

It's got to be nice as a cop when instead of having to hunt the criminals, they come right to you.



An officer in Gloversville, New York was investigating a report of a stolen truck on Tuesday.  And when he went to check out a spot where someone had recently seen the truck . . . it drove RIGHT PAST HIM.



So he radioed down to other cops in the area, and they pulled it over.



The cops arrested all four people inside the truck . . . three 20-year-old guys and a 24-year-old woman.



They also had crack, marijuana, painkillers, and an illegal handgun . . . so they're all facing several charges. 



(Schenectady Daily Gazette)


Cops Catch a Fugitive After He Facebook Messages Them "News Flash, Morons" to Correct Them on What City He's in

There's a deep irony in a criminal THIS dumb calling someone ELSE a "moron."



A 27-year-old guy named Jessie Dean Kowalchuk has been wanted in Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada for almost four years on three outstanding warrants.



Well . . . last December, a Kamloops website called CFJC Today posted about him in their weekly "Most Wanted" segment.  And they told people in the area to keep an eye out for him.



But Jessie messaged them on Facebook, and said, quote, "News flash, morons: I'm in Edmonton and not coming back."



So they let the local cops know . . . and they contacted the police in Edmonton.



They've kept an eye out for him ever since . . . and last week, they found him and arrested him. 



(CBC / CFJC Today



(Here's his mugshot.)




A Guy Busted for Shooting Hoops Naked Says It "Enhances His Skill Level"

In the ancient Olympics, the athletes were totally naked.  This guy . . . is no Olympian.



The cops in Longwood, Florida got a call on Sunday night about a NAKED MAN at a park.



And when they got there, they found a 29-year-old guy named Jordon Anderson who was totally nude . . . and shooting hoops.



According to the police report, when they asked him what he was doing, he said, quote, "he was working on his basketball skills and he feels playing naked enhances his skill level."



It's not clear if that was true or not, but either way, he was arrested for indecent exposure. 



(The Smoking Gun)



(Here's his mugshot . . . it seems like he might not have been in a totally sober state of mind.)




A Guy Dressed as the Joker Was Caught on Camera Stealing a Tip Jar

This kind of minor crime feels so beneath the Joker.  Like, this wouldn't cause anarchy and chaos at ALL.


The police in Toronto are looking for a guy who stole a tip jar from a restaurant last week . . . while he was dressed as the Joker.


For what it's worth, his makeup and the way he styled his green hair looks closest to the Jared Leto Joker or the Joker from the comic books, not the Heath Ledger or Jack Nicholson versions.


Anyway, the cops released the surveillance video of him stealing the tip jar to see if someone can help them track the guy down.  He'll be facing theft charges. 


(Toronto Star)


(Here's a still shot from the video.)




A 70-Year-Old Guy Is Busted for Sitting on His Sunroof While His Car Was Going 100 Miles-Per-Hour

It's basically a miracle this guy didn't die and take a bunch of people with him.


An off-duty cop was driving on the interstate in Lakeland, Florida last week when he saw a white Cadillac zoom past him . . . with an old dude SITTING on the sunroof.


He took a video and called 911 . . . and the Florida Highway Patrol came out and pulled over 70-year-old Leonard Olsen.

Apparently he'd put the car on cruise control at around 100 MILES-PER-HOUR . . . then decided to open up the sunroof and stand up instead of driving.  He felt that it was fine because, quote, "The car drives itself and has a gigantic computer in it."


And, quote, "I thought it would be a nice way to praise God for a minute."


He was arrested on a misdemeanor reckless driving charge.  


(The Smoking Gun


(Here's his mugshot and a picture of him hanging out of the roof.)




A Guy in a Stolen Cop Car Tries to Pull Over Another Car . . . Which Also Happens to Be Stolen

We've got a story here with an UNBELIEVABLE coincidence that's going to lead to two car thieves going down.



A guy stole a black Cadillac in West Palm Beach, Florida on Wednesday night.  He was driving it through Cocoa, Florida, when a cop car suddenly appeared behind him and tried to pull him over.



The car thief hit the gas . . . and wound up crashing into a HOUSE.  And apparently he was just inches away from hitting a woman who was sleeping inside.



He took off running before the cops showed up, and they're still looking for him.



But that's only half the story.  Because it turns out the cop car that pulled him over was ALSO STOLEN.  That's right . . . someone had stolen a cop car and was using it to pull over random people, one of whom just happened to be that other car thief.



Shortly after the crash, the cops found out about the fake cop pulling people over.  And as they tracked down THAT car . . . that thief ALSO took off running before they got there.



So now the cops are on the hunt for both car thieves. 



(ABC 9 - Orlando)

A Man Is Busted Throwing Concrete Blocks at Police Cars . . . Again?

What a strange thing for someone to choose as their signature crime.



There's a 27-year-old guy in Oklahoma City named Alfred Jabatty.  And on Tuesday around 3:30 A.M., he was busted for throwing a concrete block through the window of a police car.



The cops caught him in the act.  And it turns out this wasn't his first time.  He's a serial concrete block thrower.



Alfred was arrested back in 2015 for throwing one through a cop car, and then again in February of this year.



When the cops asked him why he keeps doing it, he told them he's not sure.



He was arrested. 



(NBC 4 - Oklahoma City



(Here's his mugshot.)




A Drunk Driver was Arrested When He Crashed His Lawn Mower into a Police Car

I feel like this guy needs to work on his excuses.



There's a 68-year-old guy named Gary Wayne Anderson from Haines City, Florida.  And on Saturday night, he was drunk . . . and driving his lawn mower down the street.



But his ride stopped when . . . he crashed into the back of a POLICE CAR.



The police officer wasn't in the car at the time, but when he came out, Gary had an excuse ready.



He said it wasn't his fault he crashed into the car . . . it only happened because he was drunk.  Well played.



It turns out his blood-alcohol level was .241, which is three times the legal limit.  And his license has been suspended for 41 YEARS because of past drunk driving convictions.  So he was arrested for drunk driving. 



(Lakeland Ledger)



(Here's Gary's mugshot and a picture of the mower.  And yes, he was towing a trailer behind it with a cooler inside.)




A Man Is Arrested for Making a Homemade Dog Poop Bomb to Get Revenge on a Friend

You just can't be building homemade bombs in this day and age.  Even hilarious ones.



There's a 48-year-old guy named Robb Stout in Portland, Oregon.  And last month, he was mad at a friend for borrowing something and not returning it. 



So Robb decided to get REVENGE . . . in the form of a DOG POOP BOMB.



He picked up a bunch of dog poop and stuffed it in a plastic toolbox.  Then he used a battery, wiring, switches, and a car airbag to rig the bomb so that when his friend opened the toolbox, the poop would explode everywhere.



And it worked.  The bomb went off and dog poop exploded all over the place.



Fortunately, the friend wasn't hurt.  And Robb was arrested on a felony charge of unlawfully manufacturing a destructive device.



Plus when the cops searched his house, they found meth and a sawed-off shotgun, so Robb was charged for having both of those, too. 



(The Oregonian



(Here's his mugshot.)




A Fugitive Tries to Fool the Cops with a Horrible Blond Wig . . . But It Doesn't Work

As far as disguises go, this is barely a step up from Groucho Marx glasses with a fake nose and mustache attached.



There's a 36-year-old guy named Robert Walls from Cocoa, Florida.  He was a fugitive, with a warrant out on several drug dealing charges.  And on Thursday, the cops got a tip he was at a house.  So they surrounded the place.



And Robert tried to escape by . . . putting on a long blond wig and biking away.



But it wasn't a good wig or an even remotely convincing disguise . . . so the cops recognized him immediately and arrested him. 



(Orlando Sentinel)



(Here's the picture of Robert in his blond wig the cops posted on Facebook.)


A Woman Steals a Parking Spot at Costco, Then Defends It with a Machete

It's amazing how far we'll go to avoid walking an extra 50 feet . . .



A woman on Vancouver Island, near Seattle, was about to pull into a parking spot at Costco last Sunday, when another woman zipped in and stole it.  So they started arguing.



Then the woman who stole the spot decided to defend it . . . with a MACHETE.



She reached into her car . . . pulled the machete out . . . and acted like she was about to swing it.  So the other woman backed off and called the cops.



Police were able to identify the machete woman.  She's 29 years old, and agreed to be interviewed by cops after she saw the story on the news.



It's not clear what kind of charges she might face, or why she had a machete in her car. 



(CTV News / The Province)

A Guy Is Busted for Robbing the Same Dairy Queen Twice in the Same Day

Maybe this guy just really likes Peanut Buster Parfaits?



On Monday night, a man barged into a Dairy Queen in Pueblo, Colorado.  He had several guns on him and got all of the cash from the register.



He tried to carjack someone to get away, but he failed, so he took off running and got away before the cops could find him.



And he MIGHT'VE gotten away with the robbery . . . except that two hours later, he went back to rob the same Dairy Queen AGAIN.  And he tried to carjack a getaway car again . . . but failed again.  So he ran away on foot . . . again.



But this time, the cops set up a perimeter and they were able to catch him.



It turns out he's a 37-year-old guy named Levi Roberts and he's been charged with two counts of armed robbery, two counts of attempted robbery, and felony menacing. 



(CBS 11 - Colorado Springs

A 33-Year-Old Is So Upset His Mom Kicked Him Out That He Flushed His Grandparents' Ashes

Who would've guessed a 33-year-old guy who was desperate to keep living with his mom might have maturity issues?



There's a 33-year-old guy named Thomas Wells from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  He had been living with his mom last year, but she finally kicked him out in September after he wouldn't stop drinking and smoking weed.



And he was so upset that he grabbed a box with his grandparents' ASHES in it . . . and FLUSHED them down the toilet.



His mom didn't realize what he'd done until February, and she called the cops.



They ran an investigation, and Thomas was just arrested for two counts of abuse of a corpse and one count of criminal mischief. 



(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)

A Guy Shoplifted from a Store Twice . . . and in Between, He Applied for a Job

I guess this guy just couldn't wait for his employee discount.



A 36-year-old guy went into a Sportsman's Warehouse in Gillette, Wyoming on Wednesday and shoplifted some sunglasses and ammo.



Then a few hours later, he went back to the store . . . and applied for a JOB.



And then on the way out, he shoplifted two more pairs of sunglasses.



The store called the cops, and they were easily able to track the guy down since they had all of his info thanks to the job application.



The guy was charged with theft . . . and we're thinking he didn't get the job. 



(Gillette News Record)

A Bunch of Bungling Best Buy Burglars Were Busted by Butt-Dialing 911

Hey, in this day and age of Amazon, it's just nice to see anyone going to Best Buy.



Three guys broke into a Best Buy in Sugar Land, Texas around 3:00 A.M. on Sunday.  They set off the alarm, but they got away before the cops could get there.



And they MIGHT have gotten away with it . . . except, somehow, one of them accidentally BUTT-DIALED 911 from the getaway truck.



The 911 operators only heard car noise, so they pinged the cell phone and noticed it was speeding away from the Best Buy toward Houston.



The cops figured out it must be the burglars, so they caught up with the truck and got into a high speed chase.



The guys eventually bailed and took off running, and the cops arrested two of them . . . the third one got away. 



(ABC 13 - Houston)

A Robber Uses a Grocery Bag to Hide His Face . . . But Takes It Off to Carry the Stuff He Stole

Something tells me this guy isn't a master criminal who really thought things through.



A guy robbed a gas station in Queensland, Australia on Monday, and he wore a blue reusable grocery bag over his head to hide his face from the cameras.



But he quickly lifted it up a little to talk to the clerk.  And then, when the clerk gave him some cash and cigarettes . . . the guy took the bag off COMPLETELY to CARRY all that stuff out.



So now the cops have a great look at his face and they're asking for the public's help in identifying him. 



(Global News)

A Drunk Driver Backs Into Another Car, Then Doesn't Realize He's Towing It Down the Street

Do they even need to do a sobriety test when you're this drunk?



A 25-year-old named Justin Sproul was leaving a bar near Portland, Maine on Saturday, when he backed his truck into a parked car.  And no, he didn't leave a note.  But that's not why he's in trouble.



It turned out his trailer hitch got lodged in the other car's bumper.  But he didn't realize it, and drove off.



Police spotted him turning onto a major road, and he was still towing the car behind him.



He's facing charges for driving under the influence. 



(Central Maine)  (Here's his mugshot and a shot of the two cars linked.)




The Easter Bunny Who Got in a Viral Fight in Florida Turned Out to be a Fugitive

If you missed this, a video went viral earlier this week of a guy in a full Easter Bunny costume who got in a fight on the street in Orlando, Florida on Easter.



Well . . . it turns out the Easter Bunny wasn't as innocent as he seems.



We now know it was a 20-year-old guy named Antoine McDonald.  And it turns out he's a FUGITIVE who's wanted in New Jersey for a car theft from last fall.



There's more.  He was also a "person of interest" in a carjacking and two armed robberies in Florida earlier this year . . . and he's been arrested several times in the past for violent armed robberies.



Antoine probably COULD'VE stayed anonymous too . . . except after the video went viral, he started talking to the media.  And he even started an Instagram account called BadBunnyOf19.



So now that he's Internet famous, the police in New Jersey are probably going to be pretty eager to get in touch with him. 



(Tampa Bay Times



(Here's him as the bunny . . . and one of his mugshots.)





A Woman Goes to the Police Station to Discuss Cocaine Legalization . . . and Gets Arrested for a DUI

Was this woman TRYING to get arrested?



There's a 47-year-old woman named Shelley Boyle from Scranton, Pennsylvania.  And she might be the least bright resident of Scranton since Michael Scott.  Or Kevin.  Probably Kevin.



A few weeks ago, Shelley drove to a police station and asked to speak with a cop.  Apparently she wanted to discuss the possibility of COCAINE LEGALIZATION.



For what it's worth, cocaine legalization is NOT currently on the ballot in any state.



The cops noticed she was clearly high, so they arrested her for driving under the influence and possession of drug paraphernalia. 



(Citizens' Voice)

A Guy Calls 911 to be Rescued from a Cliff . . . Then Tries to Steal the Fire Truck

If this was all an elaborate heist plan . . . next time, maybe try something WAY simpler.



There's a 40-year-old guy named Jermaine Nichols in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, and he called 911 on Friday morning because he needed to be RESCUED.  Apparently he was out hiking and got stuck on a steep cliff.



But his phone died before he could give them his specific location.



So firefighters and paramedics drove up the cliffs to hunt for him.  And while they searched . . . he suddenly appeared, hopped into a fire truck, and tried to STEAL IT.



But cops were also part of the rescue effort . . . so he was quickly stopped and arrested.



He's been charged with attempted theft and failure to comply. 



(CBC / Canoe)

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