Qabilene Updates

Kaden's Crazy New: A Woman Is Arrested After Crashing a Wedding . . . and Cutting in on the Bride and Groom's Dance

 Isn't the point of crashing a wedding to have a good time WITHOUT getting caught?



There's a 46-year-old woman named Christine Chandler from Treasure Island, Florida.  And on Sunday night around 10:00 P.M., she went into a Lions Club where there was a wedding going on, and headed straight for the dance floor.



Unfortunately, the bride and groom were having their "last dance" at that moment . . . and they didn't really want a stranger cutting in.



Some other guests told Christine to leave and they escorted her out.  But she wound up coming back . . . and headed straight back to the dance floor.



At that point, people called the cops . . . and Christine was arrested for disorderly conduct. 



(The Smoking Gun



(Here's her mugshot.)







Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Stole a Live Lobster From the Tank at Red Lobster, Then Took Off

 If you're gonna get kicked out of some place for making a scene, you might as well REALLY make a scene.



There's a 42-year-old woman named Kimberly Gabel from St. Petersburg, Florida.  On Saturday night she was at a Red Lobster, and she was drunk and bothering other people, so the manager asked her to leave.



She stormed out, cursing the whole way . . . but right before she left, she stopped at the tank in the lobby where there are a bunch of live lobsters.



And she reached in . . . GRABBED ONE . . . then took off.



The store called 911, and a cop tracked down Kimberly nearby, still swearing.  She was arrested for disorderly intoxication.



As for the lobster . . . well, we don't know.  When the cop found Kimberly, she didn't have it with her, and as far as we know, it's still missing. 



(The Smoking Gun



(Here's her mugshot.)





Twin Sisters Just Gave Birth to Baby Girls on the Same Night

If you've ever doubted the FREAKISH connection that twins have, check this out . . .



23-year-old Bao Nhia Julia Yang and Bao Kou Julie Yang are twin sisters from Fresno, California.



And on Sunday night . . . they both gave BIRTH.  Both to baby girls.  Both at the same hospital.  And both babies were within three ounces of each other.



They didn't coordinate getting pregnant at the same time . . . but it happened anyway, like stuff always seems to do for twins.



Their due dates were two days apart, but Bao Kou called her sister on Sunday to say she was in labor and was heading to the hospital, and Bou Nhia told her, quote, "I might be in there with you too."



The nurse who delivered their babies said she's never seen twins give birth on the same day before.  Quote, "They just had great timing." 



(Your Central Valley



(Here's a picture of the twins with their babies.  Bao Nhia is on the left.)





Kaden's Crazy News: A Donut Shop's Customers Are Buying Out the Inventory Daily . . . So the Owner Can Spend Time with His Sick Wife

  Getting to commit a good deed AND overeat on donuts?  Now that's the kind of philanthropy I'm always looking for.



There's a guy named John Chhan who owns a donut shop in Seal Beach, California.  He and his wife Stella have been working together at the shop every morning for almost 40 years.



But some of his regular customers recently noticed Stella wasn't there.  John told them she'd had an aneurysm, so he was working at the store every day and then rushing home to be with her at night.



His regulars wanted to set up a GoFundMe, but he said no.  So they came up with an even better plan to help him:  Buying up all of his inventory every day.



John's policy has always been to stay open until he sells out.  So now that everyone's buying up his donuts early in the morning, he can spend as much of the day as possible with Stella.



And, fortunately, he says she's improving.  Quote, "She can talk, she can write.  Right now she's trying to start eat[ing]." 



(CBS 2 - Los Angeles)  

Kaden's Crazy News: An Assistant Principal Showed Up to School Drunk . . . During Alcohol Awareness Week

There's an assistant principal in Louisiana whose school has been doing Alcohol Awareness Week this week.  And apparently, she was like, "You had me at 'alcohol.'"



The cops in Pierre Part, in southern Louisiana, got a call on Monday about a dangerous driver on the highway.  They wound up following the car . . . all the way to an elementary school parking lot.



And the woman driving was 49-year-old Rachel Turley, who's the assistant principal at that school.  And yeah, Monday was the first day of the school's Red Ribbon week, which is their annual event for alcohol awareness.



Her blood-alcohol level was almost three times the legal limit, so she was arrested for driving while intoxicated and careless operation.  There's no word on whether she still has a job. 



(ABC 2 - Baton Rouge



(Here's her mugshot.)





A Student Was Shot and Killed at a High School in North Carolina . . . and They Didn't Even Cancel Classes

There was a school shooting yesterday.  You might not have heard, because they don't always hit the top of the news cycle anymore.  And apparently, even the schools just consider them normal occurrences now.



A 16-year-old male student was shot and killed by another 16-year-old student at Butler High School in Matthews, North Carolina yesterday morning.  The victim wound up dying at the hospital.



And the school was so unfazed by it that THEY DIDN'T EVEN CANCEL CLASSES.



The school went into lockdown for a little bit, the shooter was arrested . . . and then they told the students they could get picked up . . . or they could keep going with the school day.



The reactions on social media were what you'd expect.  One person wrote, quote, "This decision is normalizing carnage in our schools.  We are failing a generation of children." 




Ignore the shooting and dead classmate. Make your way to 3rd period.

This decision is normalizing carnage in our schools. We are failing a generation of children.

WSOCTV ?@wsoctv

UPDATE: Classes will remain in session at Butler High School after shooting.

11:30 AM - Oct 29, 2018

Twitter Ads info and privacy



(The Hill)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Who Dressed His Kid as Hitler for Halloween Is Upset at How People Treated Them

 I really hope there's never a moment in this country where people DON'T get angry at someone walking down the street dressed as a Nazi.



There's a guy named Bryant Goldbach from Owensboro, Kentucky, who was taking his five-year-old son to a trick-or-treating event on Thursday night.  And Bryant decided to dress as a NAZI OFFICER . . . and dress up his son as HITLER.



He said it was because he and his family, quote, "love history, and often dress the part of historical figures."  But after the event, he put up an angry post on Facebook about how he was SHOCKED at how badly people treated him and his son.



Quote, "Tonight grown adults threatened a child over his costume.  Threatened his mom and dad as well . . . First, it's none of your business.  Second, how dare you! . . . We had the displeasure of dealing with the fruits of the so called 'tolerant left.'"



The next day, after a post on Reddit about his costume and his outrage went viral, he wound up apologizing.  Quote, "I think it was in bad taste for me to let my child . . . wear that, probably for me to wear that.  It didn't occur to me." 



(Lexington Herald Leader / Tristate Homepage)



(Here are the costumes and post.)





Kaden's Crazy News: A Doctor Borrowed $300,000 From a Patient . . . Then Diagnosed Her with Dementia When She Wanted to Get Paid Back

There might not be any move DIRTIER than this.



There's a 79-year-old doctor named Suellen Lee in Columbia, Tennessee.  And she had to go in front of the Tennessee Board of Medical Examiners last month over a CRAZY case.



Apparently, she'd borrowed $300,000 from an elderly patient who's been identified as E.W.



And then, when E.W. asked her to pay it back . . . Lee diagnosed her with DEMENTIA.  That meant E.W. couldn't control her accounts anymore, so it looks like Lee figured it would help her hide the debt.



But E.W. got another doctor to diagnose her . . . and that doctor found NO SIGNS of dementia.  So she filed a complaint against Lee.



Lee denied it . . . well, some of it.  She admitted she borrowed the money and made the dementia diagnosis, but she says E.W. made up the rest, quote, "Because she was so angry with me, because I had said that she was demented."



But she still wound up turning over her medical license and agreeing to a fine and to pay back the loan in installments.  And now it's possible that the police could get involved. 



(The Tennessean)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Admits She Secretly Plumped Up Her Bridesmaids Before Her Wedding

Well nothing about this woman's story sounds psychotic.  Nope.  Nothing at all.



There's a woman in Australia named Penny.  And she just shared the story of what she did before her wedding to try to guarantee she'd look better than her bridesmaids . . . her older sister Maggie and her younger sister Charlie.



Penny says that in the month leading up to the wedding, she'd make them breakfast smoothies every day.  She SAID they were, quote, "slimming smoothies" so all three of them would look skinny at the wedding.



But she was secretly putting a triple serving of WEIGHT GAIN POWDER from a bodybuilding shop in her sisters' drinks . . . to plump them up so she'd look skinnier next to them in photos.



And her plan worked . . . they both gained enough weight that they had to have their dresses altered to fit.



So Penny says when she looks at her wedding photos now, quote, "I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt . . . but mostly I feel happy." 





Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Beat Up Teenage Girls Dressed as Zombies After They Scared His Family

Not everyone loves Halloween.  And some of us have a much lower threshold than others . . .



There's a modern dance company in Park City, Utah that does a show based on "Thriller" each year.  And a group of dancers was promoting it recently, by dressing up as zombies and scaring people outside the theater.



It's not clear how many zombies they had, but a bunch of them were teenage girls.



Well, a 56-year-old guy named Drew Hyde happened to walk by with his family and wanted no part of it.  So he threatened to KNOCK THEM OUT if they touched him, or scared his daughter.



He claims they still didn't back off.  So he was FORCED to defend himself by punching a 14-year-old girl in the face . . . punching another girl in the chest . . . grabbing several of them by their necks . . . and shoving three girls down a small set of stairs.



Now, it's worth noting he's about 6-foot-2, 215 pounds, and played football in college.  So he's not a small guy.  But luckily the girls only ended up with bruises.



He's facing five counts of child abuse, but claims the whole thing was scarier than it sounds.  And he says any father would have done the same thing. 



(KSL / Park Record)



(Here's his mugshot.)





Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman in a Cow Costume Is Busted for Shoplifting and Tells the Cop to "Suck a Pink Cow Udder"

If you're going to commit a crime, wouldn't you want to wear something that DOESN'T make everyone stare at you?  There's a 27-year-old woman named Ashley Curry in Pine Bluff, Arkansas who just learned that lesson the hard way.  She was busted last Tuesday afternoon for shoplifting Flonase nasal spray from a Walmart.



And . . . she was dressed in a full-body COW COSTUME, complete with pink udders on the stomach.



The police didn't say WHY she was in the costume, but I guess we can assume it was an early Halloween thing.



Anyway, when a cop went to search her, she told him to, quote, "Suck a pink cow udder." 



It's not clear if that was an INSULT . . . or a BRIBE.  But either way, she was arrested for shoplifting and resisting arrest. 



(ABC 7 - Little Rock



(Here's a picture of Ashley in her costume.)




Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Robs a Subway . . . Then Goes Back For His Sandwich

 Never commit crimes on an empty stomach.



There's a 34-year-old guy named Zachary Miller, and he went into a Subway in Norcross, Virginia earlier this month and ordered a sandwich. 



And when it was time for him to pay, he hopped over the counter and stole about $100 from the register.  Then he took off.



But then Zachary went BACK into the Subway.  Why?  Because he'd forgotten his sandwich.



So he grabbed it, then he took off again . . . for real this time.



Anyway, the cops recognized him from the surveillance video, and he was wanted on several other charges too.  And he was arrested on Tuesday in Tennessee. 



(Atlanta Journal Constitution)



(Here are surveillance shots of him grabbing the sandwich.)





Mega Millions Drawing: What to Do if You Win the Jackpot

It is officially Mega Millions mania as the jackpot for Friday’s drawing approaches a staggering $1 billion.

Across the nation, people are lining up to buy lottery tickets for the second-largest drawing in American history. 


If you happen to win the massive payout, one expert recommends keeping your mouth shut. 

“First thing you do is stay quiet," Attorney Jason Kurland, who advises big-bucks lottery winners, told Inside Edition. "Don't tell your friends, don't tell your family. You have a couple of weeks before you come forward to the world. You need that time to be in the right mindset. You don't need people knocking on your door asking for handouts before you even have the money." 


Kurland also says you should make sure you sign your winning ticket right away.

“If that's not signed and God forbid you lose it, and someone else signs it and brings it in, it's their ticket," he said. 

When faced with the choice of the annual payment or lump sum, he advises going for the latter, which he calls the better long-term option. 

“Invest in yourself rather than having the lottery pay you every year.” 

Kaden's Crazy News: Cops Couldn't Find a Drug Dealer for Two Years, Until He Decided to Star in a Music Video

About two weeks ago, the most-wanted drug trafficker in Spain was in the news after he came out of hiding to do a cameo in a lame music video.  And now he might be regretting that decision . . .



His name is Francisco Tejón.  Cops had been trying to track him down for about two years, but hadn't had any luck.



Then earlier this month, he showed up in a terrible music video for a Spanish reggaetón artist named Chase-A.  It showed him getting out of a Bentley . . . partying at a mansion . . . and hanging out with women in bikinis.



Cops saw it as him TAUNTING them.  So they poured through the footage looking for details that might reveal where it was filmed.  And they also started monitoring the singer's social media pages.



His social media posts ended up revealing the general location where the video was shot.  And they used that information to zero in.



Tejón's lawyers eventually gave them an address.  And yesterday morning, he was forced to turn himself in.  He's now he's facing a lengthy prison sentence.  (The Guardian / BBC)



(Here's a shot from the music video.  He's the one on the right.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Fugitive Is Busted When His Girlfriend's Four-Year-Old Son Tells the Cops Where He's Hiding

Never mess with a four-year-old when it comes to hide-and-seek.



There's a 24-year-old guy named Jesse Vaughn Lawson in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.  And he was a fugitive with an outstanding warrant for burglary and receiving stolen property.



Well . . . earlier this month, the cops went to his girlfriend's apartment to try to find him.  She said she hadn't seen him in almost a week.



But her four-year-old son had a different story.  According to the police report, when the kid found out why the cops were there, he told them, quote, "He's hiding from you in the electrical room.  Come on, I'll show you."



And then he led the cops to Jesse's hiding place.



Jesse was arrested, and he was hit with additional charges for flight to avoid apprehension and endangering the welfare of a child. 



(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Father and Son Did Battle with a Chainsaw and Lawnmower

If they ever do "Family Feud:  Thunderdome Edition", sign these guys up . . .



A guy in Bristol, Tennessee was mowing the lawn recently when his 76-year-old father came after him with a CHAINSAW.



The dad's name is Douglas Ferguson.  It's not clear what they were arguing about, or how things got to the point of CHAINSAW serious.  But it was part of an ongoing feud.



And the son was forced to defend himself . . . by running his dad over with THE LAWNMOWER.



Douglas suffered serious injuries, and ended up losing one of his legs.



This all happened back in June, but cops didn't arrest Douglas until last week, because he was still recovering.



They charged him with attempted murder, and for violating his probation from a previous assault charge. 



His son isn't facing any charges

Kaden's Crazy News: A Couple Got So Drunk on Their Honeymoon They Bought the Hotel

I've made PLENTY of bad choices while I was drunk.  But THIS is a new one . . .



A 33-year-old woman named Gina Lyons from London and her 35-year-old husband Mark Lee went on their honeymoon to Sri Lanka back in December.  And they LOVED the small hotel they were staying at.



But one night, while they were about 12 glasses of rum deep, they found out the hotel was going to shut down because the owners either couldn't or wouldn't make the lease payments.



And when Gina and Mark found out those payments were around $40,000 total for three years . . . they BOUGHT the hotel on the spot and signed a new three-year lease.



The problem is . . . it's not like they're rich.  Once they sobered up, they panicked over what they'd done . . . but a deal is a deal.



So they sunk in another $8,000 for some renovations and reopened the hotel in July.  They're calling it Lucky Beach Tangalle, and they say, fortunately, business has been GREAT. 



(The Takeout)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy "Sells" His Girlfriend on eBay as a Joke . . . and the Bidding Hits $119,000

There's such a fine line between trying to make a joke and accidentally getting into human trafficking.  Apparently.



There's a guy in London named Dale Leeks.  And over the weekend, he and his girlfriend Kelly Greaves were at a shop buying horse riding accessories . . . and she used a horse whip to hit him on the butt.  British people, am I right?



So to get his revenge, he pulled his own prank . . . he listed her for SALE on eBay.



The posting was obviously a joke, and he described her like a used car with lines like, quote, "Starts okay but after a while there's a constant whining noise I can't seem to stop" and, quote, "bodywork is fairly tidy but close up shows signs of wear."



Well . . . somehow, he accidentally sparked a bidding war.  And the price for Kelly got up to $119,000 before eBay pulled the ad 24 hours later.  They said it broke their policy against selling human body parts or remains.



Dale and Kelly say there aren't any hard feelings between them after the post . . . but Kelly says she may be looking to pull another prank for revenge. 






(Here's a screenshot of the ad and a picture of the couple.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Went on 'Plenty of Fish' Looking for a Hit Man to Kill Her Ex

This woman on is definitely one you'd throw back. 



20-year-old Avalone Fishback lives in Guthrie, Oklahoma.  And she recently went on the Plenty of Fish dating app after her boyfriend dumped her.  (Could her name be any more perfect?)



But she wasn't just looking for someone to replace him . . . she was looking for someone to KILL him.



She started chatting with two different guys and tried to hire them as HIT MEN.  She made offers to at least four men total, including two on Plenty of Fish, one guy on Snapchat, and a fourth guy who says she offered him $600 to do it.



One of the Plenty of Fish guys actually AGREED to do it for $1,000.  But she backed out when he said he was already facing charges for something else.  So she probably thought he had too much heat on him.



Luckily, the other guy she met on Plenty of Fish went to the cops.  And she's now facing charges for first-degree solicitation of murder. 






(Here's her mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazys News :A Guy Caught with Meth Says a Ghost Must Have Planted It

If this had happened on Halloween, it might make sense because of all the costumes.  Instead, it's just the ramblings of a drugged-up idiot . . .



A guy in West Monroe, Louisiana named Michael Auttonberry called the cops the other day and claimed someone attacked him with an AXE.



He said they "stabbed" him in the head with it.  But when cops got to his house, he wasn't hurt.  And he was yelling at people who weren't actually there.



He claimed a burglar attacked him.  So they searched the place, but didn't find any signs of a break-in.



They did spot a small bag of METH sitting on his nightstand though.  And when they asked him about it, he said a GHOST must have planted it.



He's facing charges for possession of a controlled substance and filing a false report.






(Here's his mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy A Cheerleader Tries to Bribe Kids For Homecoming Queen Votes By Handing Out Pot Brownies

So this is definitely ONE way to get really popular at school really quickly.  Not a good way.  Not a legal way.  Not a smart way.  But an effective way.



There's a 17-year-old girl at Hartford High School in Hartford, Michigan.  She's a cheerleader, and she REALLY wanted to be elected homecoming queen.



So . . . she started trying to bribe kids to vote for her a few weeks ago by passing out POT BROWNIES at school.  But someone anonymously tipped off the principal . . . and they called the cops.



The cops say the girl passed out 12 brownies, and they managed to confiscate three of them . . . which they sent to the state lab for testing.



No charges have been filed yet, but the girl could be facing a FELONY for distributing the brownies in a drug-free zone.



Also, it looks like they crowed a homecoming queen this past weekend, and we don't know if it was the pot brownies girl.  But since the school says she's out of town on a, quote, "family emergency," we're guessing it's not. 



(Fox 17 - West Michigan)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Burglar Tries to Throw a Brick Through a Glass Window . . . But It Bounces Back and Hits Him in the Face

Sometimes karma hits back REALLY quickly.



A guy tried to break into a restaurant in Suitland, Maryland a few weeks ago.  He managed to get inside, and his plan was to throw a brick through the window in front of the counter, so he could get back there and rob the place.



But he didn't realize the window was made out of BULLETPROOF GLASS.



So when he threw the brick, it bounced right off the window . . . and hit him square in the FACE.



He went down immediately, and stayed down for a few minutes before he ran away empty handed.



The cops just released the surveillance video of him getting knocked out . . . and they're trying to track him down by asking people to report someone with a, quote, "suspicious head injury." 




A 31-Year-Old Woman Assaults Her Much-Older Husband When He Complains About Her Vacuuming at 3:00 A.M.

A big problem with a May-December romance is that your schedules don't always sync up.  Although, if this woman had just waited another hour, her much-older husband might have been up for breakfast anyway . . .



Last Tuesday, 31-year-old Holly Akers decided to go on a cleaning binge and vacuum her house in Tampa, Florida at THREE IN THE MORNING.  And it woke her husband up.



We don't know his exact age, but he's over 65.  So he's at least 34 years older than her, or more than twice her age.



He tried moving rooms to get away from the noise, but she kept following him.  So it sounds like maybe she was TRYING to cause drama.



Then they got into a fight about it, and she hit him on the nose with one of the vacuum attachments.



He only ended up with a scratch, but called the cops.  She denied hitting him, but she's now facing a felony charge for battery on a person 65 or older. 



( / WTFFlorida)



(Here's her mugshot.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Runs From the Cops, But Surrenders to Get Away From the Mosquitoes

 There aren't many situations you can wind up in that are WORSE than being in jail.  This guy found one of 'em.



A guy named John Wilson and a friend stole several hundred dollars worth of alcohol from a grocery store in Campbellsport, Wisconsin last week.



The cops started chasing them, and John got out and ran.  And he actually got away . . . until about an hour later, when he surrendered.



Why'd he give himself up?  Because there were so many MOSQUITOES swarming in the area that he couldn't take it anymore.



And he wasn't kidding.  When the cops cuffed him, about 20 mosquitoes swarmed onto his forehead and he asked the cops to wipe them away.



He was charged with fleeing, theft, and obstructing an officer.  The cops are still trying to track down his buddy. 



(CBS 58 - Milwaukee)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Jumps Off an Overpass to Avoid a DUI Checkpoint . . . Turns Out He Wasn't Even Drunk

Anytime you see a cop and PANIC, your chances of doing something dumb skyrocket . . .



A guy in China was driving down the highway last Thursday when he saw a DUI checkpoint up ahead.  And he was worried he'd fail a breathalyzer, so he BAILED.



He parked his van on the side of the road . . . left it there . . . and tried to get away by jumping off an OVERPASS.



He ended up breaking his leg, and cops got him to a hospital.  But the dumbest part is he WASN'T EVEN DRUNK.



He said he'd been drinking the night before, and was worried there might still be alcohol in his system.  But when they tested him at the hospital, he was completely sober.



To be fair, China has pretty strict DUI laws, and a blood alcohol level of 0.02% can get your license revoked.  But the test showed he had NO alcohol in his system.



It's not clear if he's facing any charges for fleeing police or not. 




Kaden's Crazy News: A Grandma Mayor Shoots and Kills an Alligator to Get Revenge For It Killing Her Miniature Horse

 I have a feeling NO ONE is going to mess with the town of Livingston, Texas and its little old lady mayor after this.



The new mayor of Livingston is a 73-year-old woman named Judy Cochran.  She's a grandmother . . . and also, apparently, a vigilante badass with a thirst for vengeance.



About three years ago, her miniature horse was killed by an alligator.  She knew the gator that did it . . . he's a 12-foot, 580-pound beast who lives in the river along her ranch.



And this year, she decided to get revenge.  But gator hunting season only lasts for three weeks, and it's right now, so she had to act fast.  On Monday, she put a dead raccoon in her backyard as bait, and waited for the gator.



And when the giant alligator took the bait, Judy killed him with one shot to the head.  Now he's at a taxidermist, because Judy is having his head stuffed to hang on her wall . . . and she's going to make his body into boots. 



(Fort Worth Star-Telegram



(Here's a picture of her with the gator.)

A Man Has His Toddler Climb Into an Arcade Prize Machine to Steal a Bunch of Toys

 I'm not sure one of the joys of being a parent is "now you've got a tiny criminal accomplice."  So this is a new one...



The police in Salem, New Hampshire are looking for a guy who used his toddler to steal a bunch of prizes from an arcade machine at a mall on Friday night.



The game is called BarBerCut Lite, and it's kind of like a claw machine . . . only instead of dropping a metal claw to try to grab a stuffed animal, you press buttons to try to make two pairs of scissors cut a string holding a prize.



It looks damn near impossible to win, and it probably is, since some of the prizes they have on display are really expensive things like a Nintendo Switch.



But because there are big prizes, there's also a big prize slot on the machine . . . so this guy had his young daughter crawl through the hole and pass him a bunch of the toys, electronics, and gift cards.  Then they took off.



Several people took videos as it was going on, and the cops are reviewing them now while they try to track down this guy. 








(New Hampshire Union Leader / Boston Globe



(Here are pictures from one of the videos.)

A Couple Gets Busted Shoplifting Clothes From Walmart . . . To Wear to a Court Appearance

 I'm not sure this couple QUITE thought through the logic behind their plan.



There's a 25-year-old woman named Heather Murphy from Wareham, Massachusetts, and she had a court appearance on Wednesday for driving with a suspended license last month.



Her 33-year-old boyfriend Jason Willoughby was going with her to court, and they wanted to make sure they looked good.



So last Tuesday, they went to Walmart . . . and SHOPLIFTED some nice court clothes.



But they got caught by a security guard, and the cops came and busted them as they were trying to leave the store.



They were both arrested for shoplifting. 



(South Coast Today / Cape Cod Today



(Here are their mugshots.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Sings "Don't Stop Believin'" on His Journey to Jail

There's a 25-year-old guy named Seth Coffey in Vero Beach, Florida, and the cops pulled him over earlier this month as he was driving up and down a boulevard.



It turned out he had a blood-alcohol level that was three times the legal limit, so they arrested him for drunk driving.



And as they drove him to jail, he asked the cops to put on some music.  But they wouldn't do it.



So Seth decided to provide the music HIMSELF . . . and he started singing "Don't Stop Believin'".



What ELSE would be appropriate on a JOURNEY to jail?  Puns are the highest form of comedy.



Anyway, Seth is facing a DUI charge. 



(Treasure Coast Palm



(Here's his mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Pranks Her Husband by Claiming They Won the Lottery . . . Then It Happens for Real Three Weeks Later

 About a month ago, a 28-year-old woman in England named Charlotte Peart told her husband Daniel that she hit the lottery for over $300,000.  Then she laughed at him when he realized it was just a prank.



Apparently they pull pranks on each other a lot.  And this time, he fell for it.



Then early last week, she called him at work and claimed she'd won an even BIGGER jackpot.



It sounds like he was sick of it at that point.  Because he passed the phone off to someone else to let her screw with them.



But then she sent him a screenshot that showed they really HAD hit the lottery for a MILLION POUNDS . . . or just under $1.3 million.



They claimed their prize last Tuesday.  They're planning to use a large chunk of the money to buy a bigger house.  And their three kids are pumped, because they finally get to have their own bedrooms. 



(Sky News)



(Here they are with their giant check.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Restaurant Offers People Their Age as a Percent-Off Birthday Discount . . . So a 109-Year-Old Woman Got Paid to Eat There

Now THIS is how you take advantage of a discount.



There's a restaurant called the Montana Club in Missoula, Montana.  And they have a deal where if you eat there on your birthday, you get your age as a percent-off discount.  So if you're turning 29, you'd get 29% off.



And that discount has worked out GREAT for a woman named Helen Self.  She just turned 109 . . . so when she went to the restaurant, she didn't just get her meal free, she also got 9% of the cost back in cash.



She's actually been going there for her birthday every year since she turned 100.



And the owner says that even though she found a hell of a loophole on the discount, he's happy to take care of her every year. 



(ABC 23 - Missoula



(Here's a picture of her at the restaurant.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Burglar Is Caught When His Getaway Truck Gets Stuck in a Huge Pile of Manure

FULL STORY:  I'm not sure there's a crappier way to get busted for a crime than this.  That's a high-quality pun, by they way, which will make sense in just a second.



The cops in Stearns County, Minnesota got a call last week about a burglary at a farm.  And when they got there, they found the burglar, 29-year-old Matthew Bloomquist, hadn't gotten very far . . . in fact, his pickup truck was still on the property.



Why?  Because when he tried to drive away with a bunch of stolen lumber, he accidentally got stuck . . . in a giant pile of MANURE.



And it gets worse.  Apparently he tried to run away, but he sunk waist-deep into the manure, and his shoes CAME OFF in the pile.



That's the point when he gave up, so when the cops got there, they found him standing next to the pile, barefoot, covered in manure up to his waist, smoking a cigarette.  He was arrested for burglary and possession of stolen property.



Unfortunately for the cops, even though they hosed him off before they threw him in jail, they say their police station STILL reeks today . . . even though they've kept the windows open and sprayed a ton of Febreze. 



(Twin Cities Pioneer Press)



(Here's Matthew's mugshot and a picture of his truck stuck in the manure.)



Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Pressed Charges After Her Drunk Boyfriend Gave Her a Wet Willy

This guy used an old-school bullying tactic with his girlfriend, and it did NOT go over well . . .



A 47-year-old idiot in Fort Pierce, Florida named Joseph Sireci was lying on the living room floor DRUNK when his girlfriend got home from work earlier this month.



Then he started arguing with her and being "rude," so she decided to go hang out at a friend's house.  But he tagged along and kept drinking while they were there.



Then while she was driving them back home, he reached over and gave her a WET WILLY.  And now he's facing battery charges for it.



When they got home, he kept being belligerent and also threw some stuff.  So she called the cops.



It's not clear if they're still dating, or if she dumped him.



(Miami Herald / TC Palm)



(Here's his mugshot.)


Kaden's Crazy News:A Guy Fakes a Heart Attack to Get a Free Ride to the Hospital Cafeteria

It's not a crime to like hospital food.  But anyone who likes it this much deserves to be in jail . . .



Someone at a convenience store in Kentucky called 911 last Friday after a 35-year-old idiot named Kenneth Couch claimed he was having a heart attack.



But it turned out he was fine.  He just wanted a free ride to the hospital, so he could hit up their CAFETERIA.



When paramedics got him there, he hopped out of the ambulance and walked straight in to get some grub.



Police showed up and arrested him for making a false report.  They also charged him in connection with a stolen gun he apparently took from someone's house.  And he also had an active warrant out for writing bad checks.



So it looks like he'll be heading to jail for a while.  But I guess the silver lining is Ken's discerning palate now gets to give prison food a go.






(Here's his mugshot.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Just Pleaded Guilty to Smuggling Six Pounds of Cocaine Inside a Neck Pillow

There's a 21-year-old guy named Rafael Perdomo, and last October, he flew from the Dominican Republic to Newark, New Jersey.



But Customs stopped him and a woman flying with him because of their suspiciously heavy travel NECK PILLOWS.



And they were right to be suspicious . . . it turned out the pillows had more than six-and-a-half pounds of cocaine inside.



Rafael just pleaded guilty last week to a drug conspiracy charge, so he's facing between five and 40 years in prison. 



(NJ Advance Media)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Posed as an Out-of-State Deputy to Break Her Boyfriend Out of Jail

Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when women used to try to break their boyfriends out of jail by baking them a cake and hiding a file inside.  I also miss bank robbers using bags with dollar signs on them, but that's not important here.



There's a 23-year-old guy named Nicholas Lowe, and he was arrested last month in Fayetteville, Arkansas for a criminal impersonation warrant he was facing in Ventura, California.  But he came up with one hell of a scheme to get out.



Two days after he was arrested, he talked his 30-year-old girlfriend Maxine Feldstein into calling the jail pretending to be a deputy from California . . . and she even sent them forged paperwork saying to release Nicholas.



The reason she gave is their jails were overcrowded, so they were dropping, quote, "low-priority extraditions."



And somehow the scheme WORKED, and Nicholas was released.  But a few days later, the ACTUAL deputies from Ventura County called to arrange a pickup for Nicholas . . . and they figured out what happened.



The cops tracked down Nicholas and Maxine last week.  They were still in Arkansas, and were both arrested on several charges. 



(Northwest Arkansas Democrat Gazette



(Here are their mugshots.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Posed As the Ghost of His Ex's Mother to Try to Win Her Back

This might be one of the CRAZIEST schemes we've heard of to try to get someone back after a break-up.



There's a 51-year-old guy named Roy Meadwell in Yeovil, England.  And back in 2016, he was engaged to a woman named Kay Wimbury . . . but she broke things off.



He kept trying to get her back, and it got so bad that she got a restraining order against him.



But last summer, he came up with one more big scheme.  He wrote her a letter pretending to be the GHOST of her dead mother . . . and in the letter, he told Kay she should get back together with Roy.



She realized that the letter WASN'T coming from beyond the grave . . . and she went to the cops.



Roy was just sentenced to four months in prison for violating the restraining order, but the sentence is suspended as long as he doesn't break the restraining order again . . . in the physical world OR the spirit world. 






(Here's his photo.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Proves to Her Friends She Can Run in Heels and Gets Hit by a Car

Here's why you should never accept a dare when you've been drinking.  No matter how innocent it seems, nothing good will come of it . . .



A lady in Austin, Texas was walking home from a bar with her friends on Saturday.  And one of them doubted whether she could run in the HIGH HEELS she was wearing.



So she broke into a full sprint to prove them wrong . . . ran into an intersection . . . and got hit by an SUV.



She ended up in the hospital with a brain bleed and needed surgery.



But the driver of the SUV is facing a felony charge.  Not because he hit her, but because he left the scene of the accident.



He eventually came back.  But they arrested him for not stopping to render aid.



So ironically, if HE hadn't tried to run, he might not have been charged at all. 



(Fox News)

Kaden Crazy News: A Golfer Is Charged with "Mayhem" After Biting Another Golfer's Thumb Off

 If you're accused of causing "mayhem" on a golf course, you're doing something wrong . . .



Two groups of golfers got into a brawl on a public golf course in Plymouth, Massachusetts on Friday.  (About 40 miles southeast of Boston.)



And a 47-year-old guy in one of the groups bit another guy's THUMB off.



It's not clear how it started, or what they were fighting about.  But he took the guy's thumb off down to his knuckle.



He's facing a charge for "mayhem" . . . which in Massachusetts means a, quote, "malicious intent to maim or disfigure."  And he could face up to 20 years in prison for it.



The guy who lost his thumb was treated at a nearby hospital.  Apparently his friends put his thumb on ice.  But we still haven't heard if doctors were able to reattach it.

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Kaden's Crazy News: A Group of Angry Cows Assisted with an Arrest

Cops near Orlando got into a high-speed chase with three people in a stolen SUV Monday night.



They eventually crashed the SUV into a ditch, and two of them got arrested.  But a passenger named Jennifer Kaufman tried to get away on foot and ran into a huge field nearby.  Which probably seemed like a good idea at the time.



But what she didn't know was the field had a bunch of angry COWS in it.  And when they saw her, they freaked out and started CHASING her.



A police helicopter got the whole thing on video.  You can see her running with about 20 cows right on her heels.



One of them got really close to her at one point.  And a cop in the helicopter even said it looked like she might get attacked.



Luckily for her, that didn't happen.  But they did chase her to a fence.  And when she got past it, the cops were right there waiting on the other side.



She and the driver are both facing charges for trespassing, theft, drug possession, and resisting arrest. 



(WKMG / Fox News)



(Here's Jennifer's mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Tries to Get a KFC to Reopen at Gunpoint

This is what happens when someone from Florida goes anywhere else in the world.  They try to pull Florida moves in other places . . . and Florida moves don't work anywhere else.



There's a 27-year-old guy named Antonio Stevens from Orlando, Florida, and he was in Dover, Delaware for some reason on Sunday.  And I guess he wanted to sample the best food Delaware has to offer . . . so he went to KFC.



But he got there at 11:15 P.M., which was more than an hour after it had closed.



So he pulled out a GUN and told an employee who was outside to open it back up.



When she wouldn't do it, he tried to steal her stuff . . . but he wound up running away empty handed.



The cops eventually tracked him down and he was arrested for first-degree robbery and resisting arrest. 



(Delaware Online



(Here's his mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Is Busted For Fleeing From the Cops Thanks to His Ringtone . . . the Theme Song to "COPS"

Today we've got the story of a 28-year-old guy named Sean Kelley from Spokane Valley, Washington who will appreciate the irony of what happened to him one day.  One day.



Last month, Sean was speeding when a cop tried to pull him over.  Sean wouldn't stop, and after a quick chase, he quickly pulled into a parking lot and ran into a sports bar.



The cops went in there to look for him, and someone pointed him out.  He gave them his info, including his name and his phone number, but he SWORE he wasn't driving . . . he said he'd been in the bar all night.



The cops noticed there was a phone on the driver's seat of the car they'd been chasing.  So, just as a test, they called the number Sean gave them.  And that phone started ringing.



But it gets even better.  Sean had a custom ringtone . . . "Bad Boys" by Inner Circle, which everyone knows as the theme song from the TV show "COPS".



Sean was arrested for attempting to elude a police vehicle, obstruction, and driving with a suspended license. 



(NBC 6 - Spokane)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Man Got Into a High-Speed Chase Because He Really Needed to Poop

 We don't know if this guy's excuse was true or not.  But if you've ever been in this situation, you don't always think straight . . .



Cops in Yakima, Washington saw a 32-year-old guy named Marlowe Olney blow through a stop sign last Wednesday.  And they tried to pull him over, but he wouldn't stop.  (Yakima is about 150 miles southeast of Seattle.)



So it turned into a high-speed chase in the middle of a residential area.  And he refused to slow down until he finally lost control and CRASHED into an abandoned house.



After that, he took off on foot, but they caught up to him.  And when they asked why he ran, he said he didn't have a choice . . . because he was in the middle of an emergency BATHROOM situation.  In other words, he really needed to poop.



Obviously a bathroom emergency doesn't qualify as a REAL emergency.  So he also claimed he couldn't stop because his car didn't have brakes.



The cops didn't buy it though, and they arrested him.



No word on how long he had to wait before he finally got to use a bathroom. 




Kaden's Crazy News: A Bank Robber Changes His Mind and Tries to Open an Account Instead

Sometimes it really IS too late to do the right thing.



A guy walked into a Valley National Bank branch in Bayonne, New Jersey last Friday afternoon, and he slipped a note to the teller saying this was a ROBBERY and they needed to give him, quote, "all the money."



But just as the teller started reading the note, apparently the guy CHANGED HIS MIND about robbing the bank.  So he snatched the note back and said he was there to open an account.



Unfortunately for him, the teller saw enough of the note to realize what his original plan was . . . so they tried to stall him until the cops could come.



But the guy managed to run away before the cops got there . . . and before he could open a new account.



The police are investigating. 



(Jersey Journal)

Kaden's Crazy News Update: Cops Caught the People Who Stole a Shark By Dressing It Like a Baby, and the Shark Is Alive

In case you missed thison Saturday afternoon, three people stole a small SHARK from the San Antonio Aquarium in Texas by swaddling it like a baby and pushing it away in a stroller.



Well, there's some good news.  First of all, the cops managed to track down the thieves and they've been arrested for theft.



And second, thankfully, the shark is okay . . . and she's back in her tank at the aquarium.  The staff is observing her to make sure she's healthy.



Apparently one of the guys who stole the shark took her home and put her in his aquarium.  According to the cops, the guy was able to keep her alive because he, quote, "knew what he was doing."



Also, it turns out the shark's name is Miss Helen.  Maybe that last thing isn't an IMPORTANT development in the story, but it's one we're really glad we know. 



(San Antonio Express-News)

Kaden's Crazy News: Thieves Stole a Shark From an Aquarium by Swaddling It Like a Baby and Pushing It Out in a Stroller

Well this is just about the WORST way to celebrate the end of Shark Week.



Two men and a woman went to the San Antonio Aquarium in Texas on Saturday afternoon . . . and they grabbed a three-foot horn shark out of its tank.



Then they swaddled it in a blanket like a baby . . . put it in a STROLLER . . . and walked right out with it.



And it was a damn good heist, because the staff at the aquarium didn't realize the shark was missing for 45 minutes.



The cops have surveillance footage of the thieves and they're trying to track them down . . . but everyone's worried about the shark's chances of surviving.



Horn sharks can only survive out of water for maybe an hour or two, and they need to be in warm saltwater . . . so if the thieves didn't have a tank ready for it nearby, it could be in serious danger. 






(Here's a surveillance shot of the thieves.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Committed Identity Theft to Upgrade a Restaurant's Cable Package to Watch an Arizona Wildcats Game

This MIGHT just be the dumbest identity theft case we've heard.



There's a 51-year-old guy named Kevin Cayton from Arlington Heights, Illinois.  And last December, he was taking a trip to Lake Delton, Wisconsin.



Well . . . Kevin is a big fan of the University of Arizona Wildcats basketball team.  And he wanted to make sure he could watch one of their games while he was on his trip.



So he researched a restaurant called Buffalo Phil's in Lake Delton . . . figured out Charter Spectrum was their cable company . . . and called Charter 11 times, pretending to be an employee, to upgrade their cable package to add the PAC-12 Network.



But he never bothered to call Charter back to cancel the PAC-12 Network . . . so in February, the owner of Buffalo Phil's noticed the cable bill was really high and started looking into it.



The cops got involved, and after an investigation they figured out what happened.  And they just arrested Kevin last month for felony identity theft.  He's looking at up to 12 YEARS in prison.  Over one college basketball game. 



(Based on the dates, it appears the game he watched was Arizona versus Arizona State on December 30th.  Bright side:  Arizona won, 84-78.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Man Tries to Bribe a Bunch of Cops by Offering Them Free Donuts

It almost seems like this guy cooked up his plan a while ago.  Like he had it in his back pocket just IN CASE he ever got arrested . . .



Police in Frederick, Maryland spotted two guys walking around last Thursday, peering through the windows of parked cars looking for stuff to steal.  So they stopped them, then one of them tried to take off.



The guy was a 25-year-old named Matt Rosenberg, and he ended up getting into a physical altercation with one of the cops.  Then they found a small bag of pot and an air pistol when they arrested him.



So at that point, he decided to go all in . . . and tried to BRIBE the cops by offering them free DONUTS.



He told them he worked at Krispy Kreme, and that he'd give them donuts if they let him go.  And he made the offer to multiple cops during the arrest.



He's facing charges for resisting arrest and attempting to bribe a public official.  But he probably could have avoided the whole thing if he just hadn't panicked.



He and his buddy hadn't actually broken into any cars yet.  So his friend WASN'T arrested, and the cops let him go. 



(Frederick News-Post)



(Here's Matt's mugshot.)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Is Busted For Drunk Driving . . . And So Is the Tow Truck Driver Who Came to Get Her Car

 I'm not usually one to believe in fate, but there had to be greater forces at play to bring these two people together.



There's a 51-year-old woman named Patricia O'Donnell, and she was busted in Hyannis, Massachusetts on Saturday night for drunk driving.



The cops took her off to jail, and they called a tow truck company to come out to get her car.



The towing company sent a 25-year-old driver named Brandon Fenton to get it.  But it turned out he was ALSO DRUNK . . . so he was also busted for drunk driving.



There's no word on who finally came to tow Patricia's car . . . and, I guess, Brandon's tow truck too. 



(Cape Cod Times)



Kaden's Crazy News: A Man Shares the Same Name and Birthday with a Criminal, and Cops Keep Arresting Him By Mistake

This guy shouldn't HAVE to change his name.  But at this point, he must be thinking about it . . .



A 34-year-old father of two named Jimmie Williams lives in Victorville, California.  (About 80 miles northeast of L.A.)  And he happens to share the same name as another Jimmie Williams in the area who can't stop breaking the law.



The GOOD Jimmie has been arrested or detained at least FOUR times in the last 12 years, always for stuff the BAD Jimmie did.  Once in 2006 . . . again in 2009 . . . a third time last month . . . and a fourth time this past Friday on a felony warrant.



The cops keep making the same mistake because both Jimmies spell their name the same way . . . J-I-M-M-I-E . . . and also have the exact same BIRTHDAY.



Last Friday was different though.  Because a cop showed up at his door . . . wouldn't listen when he tried to explain . . . and Jimmie RESISTED when they tried to cuff him.



He's never been arrested for something HE did before.  But now he's facing his own felony charge for obstruction.  And he had to post $2,500 just to get out of jail.



The whole thing was caught on his doorbell camera, and the cops are working with him to clear things up.  But if the charges stick, he'll have a felony on his record, and could lose his job. 

Kaden's Crazy News: An Apartment's Eviction Notices Uses a Smiling Emoji and People Aren't Happy

 I can definitely see how having your life ruined by a SARCASTIC EMOJI would make someone way angrier than having it ruined, you know, the normal way.



A person who lives at an apartment notice in Memphis, Tennessee got an eviction notice last week.



And it was taped to their door on a bright piece of orange paper that said, quote, "Guess who's moving?  YOU!!!" along with big picture of a smiling emoji.



And even though the person hadn't been paying their rent, other people in the apartment complex think the emoji on the eviction notice was too over-the-top.



One of their neighbors said, quote, "It's antagonizing and kind of embarrassing." 



(CBS 8 - Knoxville



(Here's a picture of the notice.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Who Got Pulled Over Doing 99 Miles-Per-Hour Tries to Convince the Cop He's Reading the Temperature

This isn't exactly a GOOD excuse for speeding, but . . . um . . . at least it's a topical one?



A guy got pulled over on a highway in Oakland, California last week for going 99 miles-an-hour in a 65.



And he told the cop he KNEW he wasn't going that fast . . . so maybe the cop was actually looking at the TEMPERATURE, not the radar speed.



The cop says that led to a, quote, "awkward silence" . . . and eventually the guy gave up and signed his citation.



And for what it's worth, the radar gun DID show the temperature on the screen along with the speed . . . but it was only 80.2 degrees, not 99. 






(Here's a picture of the radar gun.)



Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Steals Beer While Wearing a "This Guy Needs a Beer" T-Shirt

 A 53-year-old guy named David Jo Devoss broke into a Dollar General store in the middle of the night last Tuesday in Eustis, Florida.  (About 30 miles northwest of Orlando.)



And he stole two four-packs of beer . . . while wearing a t-shirt that said, "This Guy Needs a Beer."



He could have picked any type of beer, but went with Natural Ice . . . because you know you're classy when you're wearing a "This Guy Needs a Beer" shirt.



Anyway, he got away before the cops got there.  But he strolled back in DRUNK two days later, and tried to steal some smoked sausages.



The manager recognized him from the security tape . . . because he was still wearing the SAME t-shirt.  (Maybe his "This Guy Needs Some Smoked Sausages" shirt was in the wash?)



The cops showed up to arrest him, and he admitted to stealing the beer two nights earlier.  He's facing charges for theft, burglary, and criminal mischief. 






(Here's his mugshot and a photo of the shirt he was wearing.)



Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Steals His Date's Car . . . Then Uses It For Another Date

 I'm not sure if there's a better example of "adding insult to injury" than THIS.



There's a woman in Memphis named Faith Pugh.  And on Saturday night, she went out with a 21-year-old guy named Kelton Griffin who she knew from back in high school.  He'd texted her out of the blue, asked her out, and she said yes.



But he showed up without a car, so she had to drive them in her Volvo.  And when she stopped for gas, he asked if she'd run inside to get him a cigar.  She did . . . but while she was inside the store, he STOLE her car.



That would already make this a hall-of-fame level terrible date.  But it gets even worse.  Because Kelton drove her car . . . to go on a date with ANOTHER GIRL.  And it turns out she's Faith's godsister.



Anyway, Faith and the cops were able to use GPS to track the car to a drive-in movie theater, where they arrested Kelton for theft of property.



And as a kicker . . . apparently he'd made Faith's godsister pay for their tickets to the drive-in.  



(CBS 3 - Memphis



(Here's his mugshot.)


Kaden's Crazy News: Guy Steals a Fire Truck and Winds Up in a Two-Hour Police Chase

How messed up do you have to be to see a bunch of firefighters working to put out a fire and think . . . "You know what would be awesome?  If I stole their truck."



Some firefighters were putting out a brush fire in Rio Linda, California on Saturday afternoon when a 29-year-old guy named David Carcalete ran up and STOLE their truck.  (Rio Linda is just outside of Sacramento.)



Then he drove it over to pick up his girlfriend, a 35-year-old woman named Candice Scollard, about a mile away.



And after that, they had a nice romantic drive through California in the truck.  And by that I mean . . . they got into a TWO-HOUR, 100-mile police chase.



The cops wound up putting down spike strips, which popped one of the tires . . . but David and Candice kept going without the tire for another half hour until they finally crashed in a ditch.



They're both facing several charges, including vehicle theft, evading, and possession of stolen property.  And the cops are pretty sure they were both high at the time. 



(NBC 3 - Sacramento



(Here are some pictures from the scene.)



Kaden's Crazy News:A Guy Hides in the Ceiling of a Grocery Store . . . to Escape Cops Who Aren't Even Looking for Him

A guy named James Aubin was arrested for robbing a bank in Dover, New Hampshire last Thursday.  But the REAL story is a 30-year-old named Eric Lombari, who saw the cops and assumed they were after HIM.



He was out on bail because of a previous drug arrest.  And when he saw police start pouring into the parking lot, he assumed they were there looking for him.



It's not clear if he'd even done anything wrong.  But he decided to hide in a nearby grocery store.  Which was unlucky, because the cops ALSO went in to see if the store's security cameras got the bank robber on video.



So at that point, Eric got into a back room, and decided to climb up into the CEILING to hide.  Then he fell THROUGH the ceiling, and was dangling from it right above the deli.



The cops could see his legs hanging out but couldn't get to him.  So he kept crawling around until the same thing happened again above the refrigerated meats section.



They eventually had to get up into the ceiling and talk him down.  He's facing charges for criminal mischief, trespassing, and resisting arrest. 



Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Wins the Lottery with Her Nephew . . . Now She's Suing Him For His Half

Is family more important than money?  Stop laughing.  Why are you laughing?



There's a woman named Barb Reddick who lives in Margaree Forks, Nova Scotia, Canada, and her town runs a local lottery that works like a raffle with a huge prize and then a bunch of smaller prizes.



Well . . . on Wednesday, she won the jackpot with her nephew, Tyrone MacInnis.  Both of their names were on the ticket, so they split the prize of $930,000.



They each got checks for half, they took smiling pictures, and that should've been their happy family moment.  BUT . . . yesterday, Barb made a hell of a left turn.



She said she told her nephew they could split the consolation prizes from the lottery . . . but not the grand prize.  So she's going to SUE HIM to get his half of the money.



She says she doesn't think he deserves the money, and she only put his name on the ticket, quote, "For good luck.  Because he's like a son to me . . . he was." 






(Here's a picture of them holding the check.  It's Canadian dollars, which is why it says $1.2 million, not $930,000.)

Kaden's Crazy New: A Man Missing a Leg Flees a Burglary in a Car Missing a Tire

 If THIS guy can get away from a crime scene, then anyone can.



A guy with a prosthetic left leg broke into the leasing office at an apartment complex in Del City, Oklahoma earlier this week.



It's not clear if he stole anything, but the building manager caught him in the office . . . so he ran off.  Well, it was more like a skipping motion from the security footage, because, again, the missing leg.



And he got into a Toyota 4 Runner with three regular tires and one spare tire and drove away.



Yes, the guy who was missing a leg escaped in his car that was missing a tire.  AND IT ALL WORKED.



The cops are trying to track him down but right now they're . . . pun not intended . . . stumped.

Kaden's Crazy News: A Burglar Breaks Into an Escape Room . . . Then Calls 911 When He Can't Get Out

Oh man, this guy is NEVER going to live this down.



A 40-year-old guy named Rye Wardlaw in Vancouver, Washington broke into a business in a strip mall late on Saturday night.



That business happened to be the Northwest Escape Experience, which is one of those ESCAPE ROOMS that are everywhere now.



And this is a hell of an endorsement for the business . . . because once he was in, he couldn't figure out HOW to get out of the escape room.



So he wound up calling 911 for help.



The cops came and arrested him for second-degree burglary. 

Kaden's Crazy News A Drunk Driver Runs Back to His Burning Car to Light a Cigarette

A 25-year-old idiot named Robert Quigley was driving drunk near Sacramento, California on Sunday when he rear-ended an SUV, and his car caught fire.



He was going about 80 miles an hour when he ran into a traffic jam, and couldn't stop in time.  Luckily no one was seriously injured.



Anyway, a cop stopped to help, and saw Robert switching seats with his passenger to avoid a DUI.  Yes, the car was already on FIRE at this point.  So . . . great priorities.



Then after they were both out, Robert ran BACK to his burning car . . . so he could use the flames to light a cigarette.



He burned part of his eyebrows off in the process, but told cops he's not afraid of fire, because he, quote, "deals with this kind of stuff all the time."  (???)



It's not clear what he meant by that.  But it turned out it was his second DUI in less than a week. 

Kaden's Crazy New: Guy Named Benedict Went on an Egging Spree

I guess this guy's victims are all lucky they didn't have to find a way to get hollandaise sauce off their cars.



The police in Bismarck, North Dakota just caught a guy who egged more than 20 cars and a school last month.  And the name of the guy behind the eggings was . . . Benedict. 



Man, if he didn't hear "Eggs Benedict" jokes growing up, he just sealed that nickname for the rest of his life.



The cops arrested 19-year-old "Eggs" Benedict Ponzer last week for felony criminal mischief, after they got his license plate from a surveillance video.  It's a felony because he did more than $3,200 worth of damage to the cars.

Kaden's Crazy News: Cops Find a Drunk Driver's Big Gulp Full of Booze After He Demands They Search His Car

Here's a good example of how too much alcohol can make you WAY more confident than you should be . . .



Last month, police in Vero Beach, Florida pulled a guy over for blasting his music at 2:45 in the morning while driving through a residential neighborhood.



The driver was 32-year-old Tremaine McGriff, and he was obviously drunk.  He couldn't stand without holding onto a fence, and was slurring his words.



But apparently he still tried to claim he was fine to drive, and DEMANDED the cops search his car for alcohol.  So they did . . . and immediately found a Big Gulp cup full of booze and ice.  No mixer.  Just ice and alcohol.



He was slurring so badly, they couldn't understand his name, and asked him to WRITE it down.  And instead of Tremaine, he wrote "TreMARIO."  (It's almost like he wanted to use a fake name, but was already halfway in.)



They gave him a breathalyzer, and he was four times the legal limit.  He's now facing DUI charges. 



(TC Palm)



(Here's his mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Bruce Springsteen Fan Got Scammed Out of $1,600, Because They Thought Bruce Was Texting Them Directly

You know the old scam where a "Nigerian prince" gets in touch and says he's desperately in need of a short-term loan?  Somehow, this might be even dumber . . .



Some rube in Morton Grove, Illinois near Chicago got a text last month that appeared to be from BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN.  Yes, The Boss was texting them directly.  He said he needed cash . . . and they actually believed it.



The text said he needed the money to help cover a, quote, "investment in gold he made in Dubai."  And they believed that part too.



They ended up sending the scammer $1,100 to cover the Dubai investment.  Plus, a $500 iTunes gift card that was supposed to help senior citizens pay off their phone bills.  (???)  (If anyone asks you to pay with an iTunes gift card, it's definitely a scam.)



They eventually wised up and called the cops, but not until after they'd transferred all the money.  And at that point, there wasn't much anyone could do. 



( / Asbury Park Press)


Kaden's Crazy News: A Woman Is Arrested For Attacking Her Husband Using Aggressive Pillow Fighting Tactics

 It's a fine line between a pillow fight and a crime.



There's a 38-year-old woman in Niceville, Florida who got into an argument with her boyfriend last week after she threw their cat onto his lap.



And during their argument, she grabbed a pillow and started hitting him with it.  Then she grabbed a couch cushion and started hitting him with that.



And when he tried to stop her by grabbing the pillows, she pushed him back onto the couch.  Those are some seriously aggressive pillow fighting tactics.



Anyway, the cops got involved and she was arrested for domestic violence battery. 



(Northwest Florida Daily News)

Kaden's Crazy News: There's a Warrant Out For a Guy Who Called 911 Over a Glass of Milk and His Lost TV Remote

 I figured if you prank call 911 three or four times you'll probably wind up getting in trouble.  Apparently some police departments give you WAY, WAY more leeway.



There's a 62-year-old guy in the Atlanta area named William Baccus.  And he's called 911 at least 118 TIMES over the past three years . . . with exactly ZERO real emergencies.



One time he called and asked them to bring him a glass of milk.  One time it was because he couldn't find his cell phone.  One time it was because he lost his TV remote.



And the cops or fire department have gone to his house EVERY single time . . . and he never answers the door.



So they finally just put out a warrant for his arrest for abusing the 911 system.  And oddly enough, now he refuses to get in touch with them. 



(ABC 2 - Atlanta)



Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Was Arrested For Shooting His Brother . . . Again

 I have a feeling I know what this guy's gonna do if he gets out of jail for a second time.



There's a 43-year-old guy in Phelps, Kentucky named David Adkins.  And last June, he was arrested for shooting his brother.



He was initially charged with attempted murder but he wound up pleading guilty to fourth-degree assault and he got out of jail three months ago.



But earlier this month . . . David shot his brother AGAIN.  We're not sure why but clearly these guys don't get along.



Anyway, his brother survived again, and David was arrested again.  He's in jail right now facing first-degree assault charges. 






(Here's his mugshot

Kaden's Crazy News: A Thief Is Busted Because of His Nauseating Body Odor

This guy was just one shower away from the PERFECT CRIME . . . but it turns out that was just too much to ask.



A 35-year-old guy named Barry O'Pray broke into a guy named Ryan Boyd's apartment in Paisley, Scotland earlier this year.  Barry stole Ryan's PlayStation 4, his Nintendo Switch, and a bunch of games worth about $1,300.



And when Ryan got home and found that he'd been robbed, he noticed a very STRONG and AWFUL smell in his house.  It was the smell of horrible body odor.



But Ryan had smelled it before . . . earlier that morning, when he walked past a guy sitting on a bench near his apartment.  And yeah, that guy was Barry.



He passed that info along to the cops, and they were able to track down Barry. 



He was arrested for burglary, and last week, he was in court and pled guilty. 

Kaden's Crazy News: A 66-Year-Old Mom Attempts a Drive-By on Her Son

Here's something you DEFINITELY don't see every day. There's a 66-year-old woman in Panama City Beach, Florida named Priscilla Ann Ethridge.  And on Saturday night, she got into an argument with her 46-year-old son after she thought he stole her cell phone. He left the house on his bike . . . but she wasn't done with him. So she got in her car . . . and did a DRIVE-BY SHOOTING.  On her son. She fired one shot, but fortunately she missed . . . and she was arrested for aggravated assault with a firearm. The cops eventually found her phone . . . it was at her house all along. 



(Gainesville Sun



(Here's her mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Drunk Woman Proposes to Her Designated Driver, Then Steals His Car When He Says No

As a designated driver, you expect to deal with some drunken yelling, maybe even some drunken puking.  But this is a whole other level . . .



A group of friends near Minneapolis went out drinking on Saturday and headed home around 3:00 A.M.  We don't know the driver's name.  But they were in his Hummer.  And one of the people he was dropping off was a 29-year-old woman named Panhia Vang.  (We're not sure, but we think it's pronounced PAH-nee-uh Vaing.)



But when they got to her place, she didn't jump out right away . . . and instead asked the guy to MARRY HER.  (???)  Then after he declined, she slid into the driver's seat and TOOK OFF.



Another designated driver had followed them to her place.  So the guy jumped in that car, and they followed her about three miles before she stopped.



At that point, he started YELLING at her to get out.  And he grabbed the roof rack, so she couldn't leave.  Which wasn't a great idea, because she floored it AGAIN and hit 80 miles an hour while he was still holding on.



He eventually lost his grip and suffered several broken bones.  His friends in the other car got him to a hospital.  Then Panhia got arrested when she showed up to VISIT him the next day.  She's facing several charges, including theft of a motor vehicle. 



(Pioneer Press / Mercury News)



(Here's her mugshot.)

Kaden's Crazy News: A Man Scaled a Family's Balcony While Trying to "Follow the Music" to Find His Friend's Party

This guy really should have asked for an exact address.  It would have saved him a trip to jail.  He also could have just not gone the Spider-Man route . . .



25-year-old Daniel Blair was headed to a party in Racine, Wisconsin on Saturday, but he'd never been to the apartment before.  So his friend told him to just follow the sound of the music when he got there.



And that's what he did.  But he couldn't get into the complex.  So he decided to scale the side of a balcony and CLIMB up to where the music was coming from.



Unfortunately, he ended up on someone else's balcony, and came face-to-face with a 12-year-old girl.



He tried to explain what he was doing.  But the girl's mom FREAKED OUT when she saw him, and probably thought he was breaking in.



It's not clear if she pushed him or what.  But she caused him to FALL off the balcony.  Then she called the cops.



When they got there, Daniel was still walking around looking for the party.  He's facing charges for disorderly conduct. 


Kaden's Crazy News: A Guy Sued His Ex-Girlfriend After He Got a Huge Scholarship, and She Never Told Him About It

 I think it's safe to say these two will never be getting back together.  Back in 2013, a Canadian guy named Eric Abramovitz applied for a scholarship at a music school in L.A.  He plays clarinet, and he'd already won a bunch of competitions.



And the scholarship would have allowed him to study under one of the best clarinet teachers in the world.  But unfortunately, he got an email that said he'd been rejected.



Then over a year later, he ended up auditioning for the same teacher . . . and found out he HAD actually been accepted, but never knew it.



It turned out his girlfriend at the time saw an email that said he'd won a FULL, $50,000 scholarship.  And she DELETED it, because she didn't want him to move away.



They broke up for unrelated reasons about a year later.  And he never knew about the scholarship until he met the teacher.



So Eric sued his ex, claiming the scholarship would have set him up to make a lot more money as a musician.  And a judge agreed, awarding him $350,000 in damages.



Eric doesn't know if he'll ever see any of that money though, because his ex blocked him on social media, disappeared, and no one's been able to track her down. 

Kaden's Crazy News: A Car Thief Is Busted With a Small Pet Monkey Clinging to His Chest

We're not sure what was distracting this car thief so much that he crashed . . . but we've definitely got a guess.



A 23-year-old guy named Cody Hession stole a car out of someone's driveway in St. Petersburg, Florida early Friday morning.  And he drove it about 35 miles to Holiday, Florida before he crashed in a ditch.



He ran, but the cops quickly tracked him down.  And . . . they found he had a small MONKEY in a diaper clinging to his chest.



He said he'd bought the monkey from a breeder in South Carolina, but he didn't have an exotic animal permit.



So Cody was arrested for auto theft and he may also be looking at charges for possession of an unlicensed monkey.



As the cops were cuffing Cody and getting ready to take him to jail, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission came to take possession of the monkey.  And they let him and Cody have one last goodbye kiss on the lips. 



(The Smoking Gun)

Kaden Crazy News: A Guy Set Fire to an American Flag Blanket Over Memorial Day Weekend and Started a Wildfire

Well this is the most un-American crime we've seen in a while . . .



Some idiot in Ephrata, Washington set fire to an American flag blanket over Memorial Day weekend.



It happened on Sunday, and the act of burning a flag ISN'T actually a crime.  It's protected under Free Speech.  But the fire SPREAD, and he accidentally started a WILDFIRE that burned about five acres.



Luckily firefighters put it out before it hit any houses, and no one was hurt.



It's still not clear if it was a political statement or what.  But if he just HAPPENED to be burning an American flag blanket around Memorial Day, that's a pretty big coincidence.



There's no word yet on what charges he might be facing.



(NBC News / Newsweek)

Kaden Crazy News: A Woman Says She Didn't Lead the Cops on a High-Speed Chase . . . Her Doppelganger Must've Stolen Her Car

Occam's razor says that the simplest explanation is almost always the right one.  This woman does NOT believe in Occam's razor.



The cops in Waukesha, Wisconsin got into a high-speed chase with a woman last week, where she was going 85 miles-an-hour through construction zones.  She actually got away, but then she ditched the car and ran.



The cops found a cell phone in the car belonging to a 37-year-old woman named Dianna Warchol.  They also found a receipt from Walgreens, and they reviewed the security footage from the store and saw a woman who looked like Dianna.



But . . . when they went to her house, she said it WASN'T her.  Yes, she'd driven the car to Walgreens.  Yes, she'd left her cell phone in there.  But no, she wasn't driving in the chase.



She said someone who looks exactly like her must've stolen the car and gotten into a chase with the cops.  And, she said, it happens to her all the time . . . people always get her mixed up with other women.



For some reason, the cops didn't buy her doppelganger car thief theory . . . and Dianna was arrested and charged with attempting to flee and driving with a suspended license.  She could get up to three-and-a-half years in prison. 

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