I'm not sure about this guy's future, but he could make one hell of a Quentin Tarantino character one day . . . because he's got his "deadly pun" skills locked down.
There's a 30-year-old guy named Bryan Stewart from Milton, Florida. And he got into a serious fight with his neighbor last week.
He threatened to, quote, "kill 'em with kindness" . . . you know, like the saying goes.
That's when another neighbor intervened, and Bryan STABBED him with a knife. And Bryan almost made good on his threat, because the knife had the word "KINDNESS" written on it.
Fortunately, the neighbor is going to be okay. And Bryan was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated battery.
(Pensacola News Journal)
(Here's his mugshot.)
This classy, sexy lady may not be welcome at Walmart anymore, but she's certainly welcome in MY life.
The cops in Wichita Falls, Texas got a call on Friday morning from a Walmart about something, um, unique happening in their parking lot.
The employees said there was a woman who'd been driving one of their motorized shopping carts around the parking lot for at least two-and-a-half hours . . . and she was drinking WINE out of a PRINGLES CAN.
By the time the cops got there, the woman was gone . . . but they found her at a restaurant nearby.
She wasn't arrested, but they did tell her the store was officially BANNING her.
(Wichita Falls Times Record News)
I'm not sure catching a poacher ever gets easier than THIS.
There's a 24-year-old guy named Cannon Harrison who's a game warden in McIntosh County, Oklahoma. And in December, he matched with a woman on the dating app Bumble.
And when he asked her how she was doing, she said she was happy because she'd just shot a, quote, "bigo buck." He asked a few questions, and it turned out she really HAD illegally shot a deer out of season . . . and she even sent him a picture of it.
And that was good news for Cannon, since his investigations into poachers usually take months . . . but this one was just served up right to him.
He used the woman's picture and first name to figure out her identity on social media, and the next morning, game wardens showed up at her house and arrested her. And she wound up getting hit with a $2,400 fine.
As far as we know, they DIDN'T wind up going on a date.
(Tulsa World / Washington Post / CBS 6 - Tulsa)
(Here's the pic she sent with the deer.)
I wish EVERY attempted kidnapping could turn out like this.
On Thursday night, a 46-year-old guy named August Williams tried to kidnap a woman at a strip mall in Charlotte, North Carolina. He tried to force her into his car, but she ran away, and he followed her.
And the woman ran . . . right into a karate studio.
The studio's head instructor is a guy named Randall Ephraim, and he was cleaning up inside when the woman ran in and told him a guy was trying to kidnap her.
So when August came inside, Randall told him to leave . . . but August started SWINGING at him.
And you can probably imagine what happened next: Randall DESTROYED him, and August had to be taken out on a stretcher.
He's facing multiple charges for kidnapping, assault, and more.
(ABC 9 - Charlotte / Charlotte Observer)
(Here's his mugshot.)
Here's the problem with giving your kid a "fun" name. As soon as they do anything remotely dumb, they make national news . . .
A 21-year-old guy in Johnson City, Tennessee was arrested last Thursday for violating his probation. (Johnson City is in the northeast corner of the state, about 100 miles northeast of Knoxville.)
His name is Luke Walker. And his parents must be EPIC-level nerds, because his middle name is "Sky" . . . so his full name is Luke Sky Walker.
It's not clear what he did to violate his probation. But he originally got arrested last year after he and his friends were caught stealing road signs.
When cops searched their car, they found 46 different signs they'd stolen. But he didn't make the news back then, because they didn't release his middle name.
Last we heard, he was being held without bond and was still in jail. (WJHL)
What makes this even better is Mark Hamill heard about it and Tweeted a response.
He wrote, "The real crime here is Mr. & Mrs. Walker saddling this poor guy with that name in the first place." He also included the hashtag #AlsoTooShortForAStormtrooper, since Tennessee Luke only measures up to be 5'6" in his mugshot.
A guy in the U.K. named Owen Williams is blowing up on Twitter right now, because of something he posted about his neighbor this week.
Ken Watson recently passed away at the age of 87. Owen says he was a sweet guy, and everyone loved him. Even Owen's dog loved him.
He was also an interesting guy. Their local paper did a story two years ago after he WING WALKED on a plane at age 85.
Anyway, Ken's daughter knocked on Owen's door on Monday. She was holding a big bag . . . got pretty emotional . . . and said the bag was full of PRESENTS.
It turned out that before Ken died, he bought Christmas presents for Owen's two-year-old DAUGHTER. And not just for this year. He bought enough gifts for the next FOURTEEN Christmases.
Owen showed the bag to his wife, and they both teared up. Now they're trying to decide what to do.
They're going to space them out over the next 14 years. But they can't decide if they should unwrap them first and choose age-appropriate gifts, or just do it randomly.
Owen took a poll on Twitter, and 69% of people think random is the way to go.
(CNN / Barry & District News)
(Here are photos of the gifts, and a few shots of Ken.)
Sometimes the stories just write themselves, folks.
The cops in Muncie, Indiana got an anonymous tip on Tuesday about a seven-year-old boy and four-year-old boy who were at home by themselves.
And when the cops got there, they found the two kids home alone . . . watching the movie "Home Alone".
Apparently they'd been alone for almost six hours at that point, while their 25-year-old mom Taylor Cumings was at work. She said she couldn't find a babysitter.
She was arrested for neglect of a dependent.
(Muncie Star Press)
(Here's her mugshot.)
I mean . . . the cops had to see this coming, right?
The police in Green Bay, Wisconsin came up with an idea to scare shoplifters earlier this year . . . they put LIFE-SIZED CUTOUTS of the chief of police in stores.
And maybe it stopped some thefts, because they say shoplifting is down 5%. But it certainly didn't stop ONE theft.
Because on Sunday night . . . someone stole the CUTOUT from a convenience store.
The cops are trying to track down the thief.
As for the chief, he has a theory of where his cutout might be, quote, "I figure [it's] posted at a shooting range somewhere, or perhaps lining a birdcage."
(Green Bay Press Gazette)
(Here's a picture of a few of the cutouts.)
This is some next level "creative sentencing" right here.
There's a 29-year-old guy named Dave Berry Junior from Brookline, Missouri. And he and three of his relatives were recently busted for DEER POACHING.
They illegally killed hundreds of deer, took their heads, and left their bodies to rot.
Dave wound up getting a year in prison. But that's not all . . . the judge also ruled that he has to watch Disney's "Bambi" at least once a month while he's locked up.
He'll be watching it for the first time on Sunday.
(Here's his mugshot.)
Last week, a 28-year-old guy named Michael Foster was driving in Munchie, Indiana and he SLAMMED his Jeep into a house. Five people wound up in the hospital, including Michael, his two passengers, and two people in the house.
So what caused the crash? The cops got two competing arguments . . .
According to Michael's passengers, it was the fact that he was driving drunk because he'd been, quote, "chugging Fireball" whiskey right before he plowed into the house.
But according to Michael, yeah, he'd been drinking, but that wasn't the problem. No, he says the accident was caused by POOR QUALITY ROADS. Quote, "I wouldn't have even hit the house if it wasn't for these [s****y] Muncie roads."
But, believe it or not, the cops decided to arrest Michael anyway . . . and NOT arrest the people in Muncie's public works department.
He's facing several charges, including operating a vehicle while intoxicated, public intoxication, leaving the scene of an accident, disorderly conduct, and more.
(FOX 59 - Indianapolis)
(Here's his mugshot.)
A challenging forecast is in the cards for our next storm system arriving tomorrow. This next system is currently racing southeast across the intermountain west, gathering a considerable amount of strength before it arrives tomorrow. This system will quickly deepen and become cut off from the main jet stream flow over west Texas by tomorrow afternoon. The return flow of gulf moisture will ramp up between now and then and we’ll see an increase in spotty showers overnight and into early tomorrow. By tomorrow afternoon, we’ll begin to see an uptick in storm coverage mainly across the eastern third of the state. Some thunder and small hail will be possible, but as of right now, the threat for any widespread severe weather looks fairly low due to only meager instability and somewhat shallow moisture return. Strong wind shear may win out over the meager instability and shallow moisture, so a few rotating updrafts will be possible, but again, this will likely not be a widespread threat. The Storm Prediction Center currently has much of eastern Texas under a Marginal Risk (Level 1) for a few strong to severe storms mainly during the mid to late afternoon hours tomorrow.
The main issue tomorrow will be very strong winds as the deepening low strengthens across west Texas. High Wind Warnings will be in effect tomorrow morning and lasting through Friday morning across the entire Texas panhandle region, parts of western north Texas and down into the West Texas Trans Pecos region. Gusts upwards of 65 miles per hour…basically 9mph short of being categorized as Cat 1 hurricane force winds…will be possible along with sustained winds averaging between 40 and 50mph. Further to the east and south, Wind Advisories are in place tomorrow afternoon through Friday morning with gusts between 45-55mph possible. Within all the Wind Advisory areas, downed limbs are likely to cause a few power outages and it will make driving difficult especially on east/west roads. Forget styling your hair tomorrow and keep both hands on the steering wheel!
As for the snow forecast…that remains tricky. As this system will be basically developing right on top of us, there’s only so much “forecasting” that can be done ahead of time. What we can say now is that the locations most likely to see any amount of snow tomorrow evening and into the overnight hours will be west of the DFW metroplex where we currently have Winter Storm Watches in place. Any location within this area could see anywhere from a trace to 5 inches of wet and sloppy snow fall late tomorrow. Keep in mind that any shift in the currently forecasted track of the approaching upper level system could lead to some rather significant changes in the current outlook for wintry weather. The current forecast models are keeping the center of the low fairly far south which is decreasing the chance for it to tap into colder air and generate more widespread snowfall. If the low happens to shift north 50 or 75 miles and is able to tap into cooler air, we could see better coverage of snow across more of north central Texas. Unfortunately, we won’t know what will happen until it happens, so the main message with this threat of wintry weather is to BE PREPARED…just in case. We urge everyone to follow their local broadcast Media and your National Weather Service’s local forecast office for the latest. We’ll also strive to keep everyone updated as well, especially if significant changes are expected.
Anyone who's ever owned a clunker can relate to this. The guy's still a psycho though . . .
33-year-old Chad Johnson of northern Michigan has an old car that constantly breaks down on him. And late last month, he was sick of it and flew into full RAGE MODE.
It's not clear what kind of car it is. But he was in a parking lot when it had some sort of issue. That's when he pulled out a BASEBALL BAT and started BEATING the car with it.
Someone called the cops, who showed up as Chad was driving away. So apparently the car wasn't even THAT bad to begin with.
After they pulled him over, they realized he was DRUNK. He also had an open container in his car . . . had two previous DUIs on his record . . . and was driving on a suspended license.
When they asked him why he bashed up his car, he admitted he was just angry at it and flew off the handle.
But, because of his other drunk driving arrests, they're charging him as a habitual offender this time. He could be facing up to five years in prison.
(Here's his mugshot.)
I'm no expert, but I feel like this is a really bad job interview strategy.
A 24-year-old guy named Dominick Breedlove had a job interview last week at a Kohl's in Spring Hill, Florida.
And when his interview was over . . . he SHOPLIFTED two pairs of women's shoes from the store.
A security guard spotted him and called the cops. Dominick told them he took the shoes to give to his mom as a gift.
He was arrested for retail theft . . . and, believe it or not, he didn't get the job. (Miami Herald)
(Here's his mugshot.)
Sadly for this guy, your criminal activity counts against you, even if you don't remember it . . .
28-year-old Weston Reinke was arrested in Springfield, Missouri the other day for a string of burglaries.
He broke into at least three businesses, and tried to break into three more. Police identified him thanks to security footage that showed a tattoo of a cross on his left calf.
He stole hundreds of dollars in cash . . . three guns . . . an iPod . . .some jewelry . . . a TV . . . and a gold coin worth $1,000. Plus, a laptop and prescription pad he took from a doctor's office.
But when the cops started grilling him about the heists, he didn't remember most of them . . . because he was black-out DRUNK when he pulled them off.
He's facing at least four counts of felony burglary, and admitted he hasn't been making great decisions lately. (Springfield News-Leader) (Here's his mugshot.)
If this was about not getting enough ketchup, the guy's insane. If it was barbecue sauce . . . yeah, still insane.
A 59-year-old named Earl Jethroe ordered a meal at a Popeyes chicken joint in New Orleans on Friday.
Then he had some sort of issue with his condiments. We're guessing he wanted more and didn't want to pay for them.
And he ultimately decided to handle the situation by chucking his chicken across the room . . . pulling a GUN from his waistband . . . and pointing it at the manager.
Luckily no one was hurt, and Earl left. And he was arrested after cops found him causing a scene at a Church's Chicken across the street.
According to the police report, he was wobbly on his feet and smelled like alcohol. He's facing two separate charges for aggravated assault with a firearm, and disturbing the peace while drunk.
Credit: Lachlan Bailey/WSJ. Magazine
E! Online- Yoga has been around for thousands of years—but according to Gwyneth Paltrow, it wasn’t until she began touting its mental and physical benefits that Western culture adopted the practice. “I remember when I started doing yoga and people were like, ‘What is yoga? She’s a witch. She’s a freak,”” the actress recalls in WSJ. Magazine‘s December/January issue. “Forgive me if this comes out wrong,” Paltrow continues, “but I went to do a yoga class in L.A. recently and the 22-year-old girl behind the counter was like, ‘Have you ever done yoga before?’ And literally I turned to my friend, and I was like, ‘You have this job because I’ve done yoga before.'”
Hahahahahaha OKAY GWYNETH. Thank you for giving us yoga. Not like it’s been around for 5,000 years or anything. Basically just taking credit for white people doing yoga. Amazing to start that off with, “Forgive me if this comes out wrong.” Whenever you start a sentence like that, it’s going to come out wrong. No matter what. I also call BS on this entire story. Gwyneth Paltrow is not going to yoga studios in L.A., she is getting some top dollar, elite yoga instructor to come to her house. Actually going to a yoga class is wayyyyy too normie for her. A class with other people?? No shot Gwyneth is doing that. But it is very funny to think of some bright eyed employee trying to make small talk with Gwyneth and she just completely shuts the girl down. “You have this job because I’ve done yoga before.” Wow. Okay. Sorry for asking lady. The self-importance is out of this world.
Thank you Gwyneth. I don’t know where we would be as a society without you and Goop.
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) — Christmas turkey rocketed toward the International Space Station on Wednesday, along with cranberry sauce, candied yams and the obligatory fruitcake.
The SpaceX booster rocket missed its landing zone on the ground, however, and fell into the sea, just offshore.
Groans filled SpaceX Mission Control in Hawthorne, California, as live video showed the first-stage booster spinning out of control, still high above Cape Canaveral. It was the company's first missed ground landing, although it has overshot floating barges plenty of times in the past, a tougher feat to pull off.
A SpaceX commentator called it a "bummer," but noted it was secondary to the Falcon 9 rocket's main mission of getting the Dragon capsule to orbit.
View image on Twitter
.@SpaceX's #Dragon spacecraft launched at 1:16pm ET & is on its way to our orbiting laboratory. It will arrive at the @Space_Station Saturday carrying more than 5,600 pounds of @ISS_Research & cargo. Starting at 3:15pm ET, hear our experts give an update: https://go.nasa.gov/2GdCKgz
1:39 PM - Dec 5, 2018
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SpaceX chief Elon Musk said the booster appeared to be undamaged. The hydraulic pump for the landing fins apparently stalled, but the engines stabilized the approximately 160-foot-tall booster just in time, allowing for "an intact landing," Musk noted via Twitter. "Ships en route to rescue Falcon," he tweeted.
Engines stabilized rocket spin just in time, enabling an intact landing in water! Ships en route to rescue Falcon.
1:29 PM - Dec 5, 2018
SpaceX's 12 previous ground landings — dating back to 2015 — all were successful.
The disappointment was offset by the successful flight of the Dragon capsule and its 5,600 pounds (2,500 kilograms) of cargo. It should reach the space station Saturday.
"What a great day for a launch," said Kennedy Space Center director Bob Cabana. Twenty years ago this week, Cabana commanded the shuttle mission that carried up the first U.S. part of the space station .
Besides smoked turkey breast and all the other fixings for Christmas dinner, the delivery includes 40 mice and 36,000 worms for aging and muscle studies.
Researchers expect a tenfold increase in the worm population. There will be plenty of room on board for all the tiny nematodes. It turns out their muscles are similar to ours in structure and function, making them perfect lab substitutes, said lead scientist Timothy Etheridge of the University of Exeter in England.
The first stage booster from a Falcon 9 rocket experiences a control problem during its descent, landing in the Atlantic Ocean just east of the launch site instead of a landing zone at the Cape Canaveral Air Force Station in Cape Canaveral, Fla., Wednesday, Dec. 5, 2018. (AP Photo/John Raoux)
The launch was delayed a day when NASA discovered that the food for the mouse-tronauts was moldy because of contamination. More food had to be rushed in from California.
Just two days earlier, three astronauts arrived at the space station to join the three already there. The crew includes two Americans, two Russians, one German and one Canadian. The newest residents will remain on board for six months, while the others will return to Earth on Dec. 20.
SpaceX has been making station deliveries for NASA since 2012. The private company expects to start launching station crews next year.
Not to make light of the story we've got right here . . . but I hate to see my top fantasy turn so tragic.
There's a 44-year-old woman named Windi Thomas in Erie, Pennsylvania. And she just pleaded guilty to murdering her 44-year-old boyfriend Keeno Butler back in March.
How'd she do it? Windi checks in at over 300 POUNDS . . . Keeno was 120 . . . and she CRUSHED him.
Apparently they'd had a bad argument because she was drunk and wanted to SMOKE CRACK, and he didn't. And they wound up on the couch, where she literally SMOTHERED him to death.
She also cut him on the hand with a knife and hit him with a table leg during the fight.
Windi pleaded guilty to third-degree murder on Monday and she'll be looking at 18 to 36 years in prison.
(Go Erie / FOX 5 - New York)
(Here's a picture of Windi with Keeno, in better times.)
Remember in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" how Ace always drives with his head out of the window because his windshield is cracked? Yeah . . . don't do that in real life.
There's a 26-year-old guy in Lincoln, Nebraska who was driving on Saturday and wound up swerving off the road and crashing into a tree.
And when the cops got there, he told them he crashed because it was raining and his wipers weren't working, so he had to stick his head out of the window, quote, "like Ace Ventura."
And that very well MAY be the reason he got into the crash. But his blood-alcohol level was .137 so he was arrested for a DUI. All righty then.
(ABC 8 - Lincoln)
You've heard the term "silent but deadly." Now here's "loud and deadly" with a little crazy mixed in . . .
A 37-year-old woman named Shanetta Wilson was standing in line at a Dollar General store near Fort Lauderdale on Sunday when she loudly PASSED GAS.
Apparently she cut a good one, and didn't even try to muffle it. So a 55-year-old guy who was also in line said something about it.
And Shanetta responded by pulling out a pocket knife and threatening to, quote, "GUT HIM" over it.
She pulled the knife back like she was about to stab him, but stopped and walked out of the store. Then someone called the cops, and they picked her up nearby.
She's facing charges for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, without intent to kill.
(Miami Herald / The Smoking Gun)
(Here's her mugshot.)
There's a fine line between being Q from "James Bond" and being a petty criminal.
There's a 70-year-old guy named Robert Davis from Key Largo, Florida.
And he installed remote-controlled black SHIELDS that he could roll down over the license plates on his minivan . . . so he wouldn't have to pay tolls when he went past toll cameras.
And Robert kept getting away with it until about a week-and-a-half ago, when an off-duty Florida Highway Patrol officer randomly spotted the license plate shields in action at a toll plaza.
Robert was arrested and charged with organized fraud and petit theft.
(Florida Keys News)
(Here's Robert's mugshot.)
(And here's a video someone else shot over the summer showing the shields in action.)
There's a guy named Jason Stiber in Westport, Connecticut, and he says he's, quote, "going to trial for justice." But . . . um . . . it's not exactly the kind of justice that's going to change the world.
Back on April 11th, around 6:00 A.M., Jason was pulled over for distracted driving. The cop said he saw Jason talking on a phone, and gave him a $300 ticket.
BUT . . . Jason says he wasn't talking on the phone, he was eating hash browns from McDonald's.
And he has some evidence backing it up: His call log shows he wasn't on the phone . . . and his car has Bluetooth, so he wouldn't hold up his phone to make calls.
In spite of all that, a judge still found him guilty when he tried to fight the ticket in August.
So Jason's quest for justice is still going. He requested a re-trial, and he'll have it next month. And this time, he hired a lawyer for $1,000 . . . which is about the same amount his car insurance went up because of the ticket.
This might actually be THE worst possible way to try to get out of an unhappy marriage. THE worst.
There's a 48-year-old guy named Antonio Burgos from Portland, Oregon. And his wife moved here from El Salvador to be with him.
But they'd been having trouble, and back in June, they were trying to get a divorce.
So Antonio came up with plan B . . . he contacted an ICE agent and tried to get him to DEPORT his wife and her daughter from a previous relationship. And he offered to bribe the Customs agent with $3,000 to get him to do it.
But the ICE agent turned him in, and Antonio was arrested for bribing a public official.
Antonio pleaded guilty last week. He was facing up to 15 years in prison and a $250,000 fine . . . but since he took a plea, his punishment will probably be much lighter than that.
He won't be sentenced until May . . . and he'll be in federal prison until then.
Yeah, pretty much every kid HATES the dentist. But I'm going to go ahead and promise you this ISN'T the right way to get them to go.
There's a 36-year-old woman named Shaurice Jones from Bath, Pennsylvania. And last week, her 12-year-old son had a dentist appointment . . . and he did NOT want to go.
And he was SO against going that he climbed onto the hood of his mom's car.
So . . . she started driving anyway. But instead of going to the dentist, she drove two miles to the police station on streets where the speed limit was 40 . . . apparently because she hoped they would help her convince her son to go to the dentist.
But when she got there, the cops WEREN'T interested in helping with the dentist argument . . . and they WERE interested in Shaurice driving two miles with her son on the hood of her car.
She was arrested and charged with child endangerment and reckless endangerment.
(Lehigh Valley Live / The Smoking Gun)
(Here's her picture.)